Sin No More

I shake,
Lord I fight,
I am addicted to this sin,
This sin which has a hold on me.

I'm angry,
I'm mad,
For I have become a hypocrite Lord.

Where do I turn to Lord?
Who will keep me accountable Lord?
I need someone who understands my struggle,
But at the same time,
I need someone to push me,
Someone who will talk to me every day.

I sit there,
In that place of sin.
It starts off with a single thought,
A single hint of sin and expands.
I sit there,
And cannot stop until later.

Then it hits me once again that,
This is not who I am,
That this is a fake fulfillment,
That in the end,
This sin will not satisfy.

I see thoughts,
Pictures,
Images in my head,
Some old and some new.
The new fuel the old,
Putting me back to where I was,
So many years ago.

Back then I was lonely too,
And God got me through,
But look at what I've done,
I've gone back almost all the way.

I've changed back,
Into that person,
The one I am not,
The one I wish not to be,
One who distorts,
As so many do,
The Creation you made.

Where is my faith Lord?
Where is my trust?

I feel so fake,
A hypocrite,
Yet I cannot reveal my sins.
There are some who understand,
But others who would probably hate me,
Think ill of me forever.

If they knew what I have been doing,
Thinking,
Seeing,
They would think,
That’s who I am,
But it is not,
It is who I was,
Who I struggle now,
Inside,
Not to be.

Lord,
I am so lost,
So confused,
I thought I had it all together,
But I guess I was wrong.

I'm tired of looking at this sin,
Telling you and others I will try harder,
Try harder not to do it.

Trying is a sinful word,
That I know,
For one to try to quit sinning,
Is to leave room open for debate,
It leaves a little space for error,
It leaves a foothold,
A foothold we should not be willing to take.

I disgust myself,
I must disgust You as well.
I cannot imagine the disappointment,
The sorrow You must feel,
The sad and sorrowful look on Your face.

That I would choose this sin over You,
That I would choose anything over You.

There you are,
Always,
With Your arms wide open,
And I pass you by,
I leave You behind,
For sin.

You gave me life.
You have given me talents,
Do I use them?

I feel I don't do much for You anymore,
I felt for a while like you had left me behind,
But it was really I who left You.

All my poems,
All my writings,
All the things I know I should do,
All the ways I want to please You.

Yet all the thinking,
All the good ideas,
Come to nothing without the action,
The fruits,
The ways I show I love You.

And now they are very few,
Very distant,
Very far,
Seemingly clouded by the sin I commit,
The one I commit in Your face,
In Your eyes.

The sin I commit,
To the one who protects me,
The One who gave me life,
And sustains me.

What are words?
They are nothing without,
Without an action to follow behind them.

And here,
At this moment,
I hear my Savior's voice,
A quiet still small voice,
Ever so vague say:

"Go, And Sin No More"

~ Daniel Brockhan

Rise Up

Rise up weary Christian, what you are doing is not of the Lord. The things you put into your life, the things you are doing are not of the Lord our God. Can you not hear His voice calling you? In the day, He shouts you name and in the night, He calls out to you as you sit in the darkness. Rise up, rise up o weary Christian from your bed of slumber and know that the Lord our God is a good God, that our God is a great and awesome God…

Rise up and know that you serve someone who is above all, that He is your Friend and Teacher, who is by your side, not to torture you but to help you, to give you a better life than the one that you have right now. Your making the wrong choices. you need to change you ways. Your ways need to come under Gods ways…

Rise up weary Christian and realize that your ways are messing up Your life, that the only way to make you life better is to follow God, to lay aside the things you do. The things you only think are fulfilling your life, turn them over, turn them over to God and let him have total control over them all. Why do you sit in depression? Why do you put on fake faces, fake fonts? Why do you profess one thing and do another? Why do you do one thing and say another? Why do you let your flesh, why do you let Satan have CONTROL over you when God has something so much better?

Know that the Lord is Great, that life alone flows from His glorious throne, that no other thing, no other person controls all but the Lord God. Know dear child that every good and perfect gift comes from God, who is the Father of Lights. Know dear one that the Father of Lights is never changing but is always the same, that others may leave your side but that the lord will never leave you, that the Lord loves you so much that He sent his one and only Son to die for you. Have you so soon forgotten what God did for you, what Jesus Christ did for you? Have you so soon forgotten that the Holy Spirit lives within you dear child? Have you forgot who you really are? Have you gone so very far from God?…

Come back dear one, come back sick child, come back to the Lord… For the Lord says his arms are open wide, for He says that He will comfort you from the days you were young until the days of your old age, that God will love you always and will wrap His arms around you if you only give him a chance. Now that Your God loves you and only wants you to love Him back. God has so many great things for you dear one that you do not know of, that you will not know of if you do not turn to Him. He alone has the goodness but you must change, you must turn aside you evil thoughts, you must turn aside your wants, those things in your life that you desire, those things that permeate your life. Those things you ask God for but do not feel God leading you to do.

Flee from the things you want or DESIRE. STOP ASKING God for things you want! Stop asking God’s blessing on things you should not be doing in the first place! Stop reasoning and trying to explain your sins away and fall on your knees dear one, fall on them, fall on your face before God and confess, let it go, let it go, let it go! Let go what you’ve kept for so very long. You keep it every time you pray, you say you let it go but you keep it. You know what it is causes you mess up over and over, it constantly is at your mind and as soon as you ‘lay’ it down at the feet of Jesus you are only cursed top pick it up again. Stop pretending, stop wanting these things not of God, flee from them, flee from them so that the Lord may reign in your life, that He alone may reign in your life! Stop playing games with God, stop playing games with others. It is time to lay it down, to be real to others around you, to be real with the Lord your God!

For every time you pretend to let so things go and pick it up again, you are only lying to the face of God. God does not like your lies; God does not like you empty sacrifices. He doesn’t like mine either. Stop doing it! Stop it so that the Glory of God may begin to have a place to flow in your life. Have you so soon forgotten the sacrifice? Have you so soon forgotten what God has promised you? Have you so soon forgotten that life is not all about yourself? Have you so soon forgotten that fulfillment in life, true fulfillment only comes through serving God, our true joy comes through seeing others come to God. No guy, no girl, no family, no friends, all person and things of this earth, both that we have and desire are not God’s will in retrospect. His will is to make His name known and all other things comes under that contract, come under following the Holy Spirit as He speaks. Have you, have I as well forgotten so easily that our life is not out own?

We want girlfriends, we want boyfriends, we want marriage, we want to be popular, we want to have a big or small family, but dear one, has God told you this, did you hear His voice speak or Your own? Do not worry or wish for things you do not have but know that God will provide and know that whatever God has provided is far better that what we could ever dream. Know dear ones that our needs and wants are not His! That our thoughts are not His, but as we pray and seek, we can change self to be under or in God’s Will. We need to know, we need to begin to realize in truth that our life is not our own, that we were bought, that our present as well as our whole future is to be designed by God and not by our self. So be careful dear one as you talk about your wants, desires, and needs. Be careful when you speak of how things should and shouldn't’t be. Be careful when you are planning your life and make sure Gods hand is in it. Be careful because with one slip in your walk it could become a long hull back home. Place everything under God and think before you speak. Make sure that every word of yourself and others is for edification; make sure that it contains God’s true plan or the process of you seeking His plan. Last of all, know that God loves you child. That God does not want to harm you but as you turn from Him that evil comes. For while God is full of goodness and purity, anywhere away from Him is void, empty, and dark. Know that a great Light has come into the World and is in the World through His Spirit, but also know dear one that darkness does exist and will try to delude that Light, will try to delude Your Light. Rise up o weary Christian, rise up.

-By: Daniel Brockhan

My Will And Testament

In The Midst,
Among the people,
I hear Your Call.

God I feel so alone,
So surrounded,
So many people,
But do they listen.

The only one who listened,
Now gone,
Perhaps now just a memory.

I am now silenced Lord,
For now I feel,
That’s how it should be.

For there is a time to speak,
As well a time to be silent,
A time to let go,
And a time to hold back,
A time to know direction,
As well as a time to seek it.

There is a time to yell,
But also a time to be quiet,
A time to stand and dance,
Yet a time to fall prostrate.

God,
Could this be a new beginning?
I believe it is,
Could this be a new dawn?
A new day,
A new chapter in my life,
I believe it is.

What people don’t see,
What has been kept hidden,
Soon to be revealed,
Soon the veil will be lifted,
Soon people will see me for who I am,
For who I am in You,
For who You have made me.

Now,
At this moment I feel alone,
I know I should not,
But I do,
For what I tell,
What I say,
Seems far from what I do,
The struggles inside sway,
Back and forth,
Repetition,
Complaining,
And suffering seem my name.

I assumed true friends,
But care seems far from them.
For in their struggles,
They gladly ask my help and are well,
But when I am in turmoil,
It seems no ear is truly given,
Only You know the deepest things of my soul,
For You know my heart,
You understand my struggles more than they,
More than anyone could.

I know I am not alone,
I know that You are truly with me,
I am determined to stand,
Even if,
Even when no one else does,
That I will proclaim Your name,
Even if I must do it alone,
Even if all fail me You are there.

My friends bring me happiness,
But You are my Joy.

What others do not see in me,
You see in me,
What others do not see in me,
You have revealed,
And are preparing me for.

All things will happen in Your Time,
When You choose to make it so,
For such a time as this,
As for me and my household,
We will serve the Lord,
As for me I will worship You,
In Spirit and Truth,
You will be my Vine,
And I will be Your Branch,
You are my Bread,
You are my Rock,
You are my infinite source of wisdom,
Flowing for all time,
With the water of everlasting life,
You are my Word,
My source,
My Beginning and my End,
My Alpha and Omega.

For in You,
And in You alone do I find my treasure,
Like a bee,
I find my sweet honey in your home.
Like a child,
I find warmth and comfort,
In the arms of my Father,
I find true Love in Your embrace,
And in You alone,
Do I find true,
Ultimate,
Unchanging Love.

Shall I keep silent?
Shall I not speak?
For how long shall my mouth be shut?
How long Lord,
How long.

I wait,
I yearn for the day You touch,
You anoint my lips,
My mouth to preach Your Word,

The day in which the entrapment,
Now sealed,
Will be opened,
And the your Word pourith forth.

Not my Will in this,
But Your will in all things be done.
Not for my sake,
Not for my edification,
But Lord for You,
For Your glory.

Clash me Lord,
Break me,
Cause me suffering Lord,
I plead Lord,
I need to be broken,
For I am selfish,
I am concerned with me,
I need to be concerned of You.

What I count,
What I deem important is not,
But only what Thee deems due,
Only Thy Will is important,
Only Your Will should ever be on my mind,
Should be on my lips.

Why should it all be for You?
Why do You deserve all the Glory?

When I lay alone,
When I wiggled and cried in my Flesh,
When I cried in my sin,
It was You and no other who saved me,
You took me into your ever-loving arms,
You adopted me,
Saving me from the damnation I faced,
Ripping me from Satan’s grasp,
That grasp once so strong,
But now my eyes see,
He was so weak,

But You Lord are strong,
As I am weak,
Where I am weak,
You are strong,
You will be my strength.

I was lost,
I was dying,
So many years ago,
And yet I was saved,
Am saved,
And will be saved.

For no matter what may come,
For trials,
For tribulation,
For persecution,
They do not separate me from You,
For You have defeated them.
For You have a purpose,
You have an ultimate plan,
Which is far better than my own.

I want to be part of You plan,
I want to be used,
I want to be willing.

Lord,
I will be a part,
I will be useful,
And I will be willing.
For You reign above all,
For You Alone,
Alone,
Alone,
Are worthy.

Holy,
Holy,
Holy is the Lord Almighty,
Who was,
And is,
And is to come!

-By: Daniel Brockhan

Today

It wasn’t really today,
It was a more like a few days ago,
But it was at that time,
It was on that day that I found peace.

I had been asking why,
Why has God put me through such things?
But the question went that day,
And today, to where is God’s position in my life,
Is Christ above all others, above all things in my life?

The question from why to….
How can God shine through me?
And what can I do to be ready for that time.

I’ve been looking,
Seeking,
Praying,
For an answer to my question of why,
And just like job,
I am reminded that I do not need to ask why,
But rather,
Ask what is God’s position,
And does His place above everything,
Fit with the place that I give Him in my life.

I prayed for so long,
I struggled for so long,
But I am happy now,
I have a joy and peace,
Which would seem odd to others.

God has taken me,
God has shaken me,
God has answered me,
For that I am grateful.

I didn’t know it would take so long,
Perhaps it could have been sooner,
But now I know where I was wrong,
It seemed an odd way to stray, and yet now that my mind looks back it makes since.

God should always be first,
That was Paul’s struggle in Corinthians,
To put God first,
And to have a relationship truly is a challenge,
And for me someday in the future will be,
But it cannot be,
Until I am where God is,
Has called me to be.

So it comes down to this,
It comes down to full commitment to God,
Above all others.

It comes down to me serving,
Me being obedient to my call,
Me being willful to sacrifice anything for His glory.

It comes down to me preaching,
Teaching,
And sharing God’s Word.

I feel God preparing me for this,
Once I get to that point,
When I get to that defining point in my life,
If and when God chooses to tell me something,
As He will do in His time,
Then I will listen.

I yearn for the day where my Spirit is connected to God,
Where I am so full of Him,
That I will not be swayed by these dumb things,
Not that I will be perfect,
But that in time I will begin to become,
More in tune with God.

For I know that as I become in tune with God’s Will,
Life will be ever more joyful,
Life will be ever more abundant.

I yearn,
I groan,
My Spirit points to the day I will let go,

The day when I feel,
When I will hear,
The harmony and melody between me,
And my God.

I know I will never be perfectly in tune with God,
Not until we meet in Glory,
But Oh,
To b able to be a beautiful sound in God’s ear,
To make my life a more beautiful sound,
Than what it has been for so far,
For so long.

My life making a melodious sound,
An abundantly joyful offering of song.
An offering of sacrificial service,
Of sacrificial obedience.

Oh for the day that I learn what true perseverance is,
What true persecution is.

Oh for the day that I let down my guard,
For the day which we all as Christians will lay aside our Flesh,
And put on the Spirit.

Prepare me Lord,
Prepare me,
Break me Lord,
Break Me,
Build me up in Your Image Lord,
So that I may live in Your abundance,
So that Your name may be lifted high,
So that You will be glorified,
That You will be seen among the nations.

I do not say this for my names sake,
But Lord,
For Your names sake I speak,
For Your names sake I live,
For Your names sake I will speak,
For Your names sake I will live,
For your names sake I will lay aside who I am,

For Your names sake I will flee from the things of this world,
For Your names sake I will speak,
For You I will be who I am not,
But who You are calling me to be.

For I find myself,
In the midst of all things that are going on,
Growing ever closer to You,
Feeling You are preparing me for something soon.
Exactly what,
Exactly when I do not know,
But I know I need to be more concerned with preparation,
With gaining knowledge and wisdom,
Finding the abilities and talents,
Making use and sense of my Spiritual gifts,
To lift up and encourage the body,
To bring people into Your Kingdom.

For those who live in darkness,
Whether humanity lost,
Or those who know Christ,
They need to remember that there is a light has dawned,
And that light is Christ.

It is when we begin to realize Christ is our source,
Our lifeline,
We begin to have a peace that passes all understanding.


-By: Daniel Brockhan

Calling

I feel there is something in me,
I cannot express,
Something so drastically different,
From who I have been and am right now. 

It is a vision,
A picture of who I am,
And You are calling me to be. 

More than anytime in my life I seek You,
I seek to know the direction of Your Will.

The obstacles in front of me seem so many,
Seem to stop me in my tracks,
And throw me back into who I used to be.

I’m so tired of struggling,
So tired of pushing.

For every time I come to You,
Whether in worship,
Prayer,
Church,
Or my quiet time I feel this calling,
This urging.

I am so sick and tired of struggling between my flesh and spirit;
I’m so tired of being scared to let You have control.

You have showed me,
In visions,
In my minds eye,
Your Holy Spirit speaking through me,
Flowing through me.

Where would You have me serve?

Make my heart open and not hardened towards You Lord.
I love You so much,
And am finding myself,
Less convinced with the issue of being scared,
And more concerned with following You.

People need You Lord,
People need a wake up call in their life,
They need a call to action.

One Call to Action,
Such as I have found,
That consumes them with thoughts of pleasing You,
Of doing Your Will to bring glory to Your name.

My heart yearns to know You more and more,
To make You known,
To see Your Spirit take hold,
To transform others,
That they would become Your children,
And You would truly be their Father,
Their Light,
Their Redeemer.

-By: Daniel Brockhan

The Second Clash

I clashed with God before,
Then my clash was lust,
Lust was what then kept me from God,
Lust was then what kept me from moving foreword,
After a time God cleansed me of Lust,
Not that it’s completely gone forever,
But that as I draw toward God,
It Fades in His Light,
I Cant Keep an Impure Mind,
In the presence of a Pure and Holy God.

Now my clash is with my self,
Once again I guess I am here,
I am at a turning point,
A place of choice,
A place of no return,
Except back to who I was,
And that person is who I no longer desire to be.

Now I Clash with Being Bold,
With speaking out,
With going against the Tide,
Instead of being swept away by it,
To be different when all I see around me is conformity.

Where are the radicals?
Where are the people so overwhelmed by God’s Love,
That they cannot take a second to think about another thing,
Another person can no longer penetrate past there Saviors Face
They cannot see the world but through the eyes of the Spirit,
Through the very eyes of God, things are made clear in a world that is so hazy.

Where is the Produce?
Where is the Fruit?
Where is the Action?
Where is the Spirit?
Where is God in our lives?
Is He just a label we put on,
Or does He penetrate our very being?

Does He pierce us everyday as we wake,
As we work, as we play?
Does the God who created us get top priority,
Or do we give him second over other desires,
Needs,
And wants?

I clash with myself because God is calling me,
He is telling me ever so subtly,
That who I am is not good enough.

That I cannot Glorify Him as I need without letting go,
That unless I let go of myself,
My wants,
My fears,
My questions,
My answer,
Even my very prayers,
He cannot truly do his best through this vessel.
Unless I am, clean and pure,
Unless I am Holy and Blameless,
Unless I choose to let go of myself,
And let His Spirit take control,
I will still be in control of my life instead of Him,
Unless I let go I will miss out on what God can do through me.

God cannot work through a dirty vessel,
God cannot work through a vessel,
that won’t let God overflow in his Life,
God cannot work in a life that will not let God have control!

God cannot work through me unless I let go,
Unless I am Pure and willing to follow Him,
To follow Him anywhere.

To follow him through the good and bad,
Through the depths and heights,
Through the mountain Tops and Valleys,
Through the Light and Darkness,
Through the Tides,
And Storms that life brings as well as the Morning sunlight,
The Beautiful Raindrops,
The Rainbows and Gentle breezes.

For through every situation God stays the same,
God is in Control and is with us,
God is there for us as our friend,
God is our Faithful Provider,
God is unchanging and forever!

-By: Daniel Brockhan

Questions

Where is my Joy? Where is my Peace? Where is my love that flows from You? Where are my wants? Where are my needs? Where are my desires? Are they connected to a passion for myself or a passion for You Lord? Why am I here? Who am I and who do you want me to become? Who is my friend and who do I have to lay aside? Who can help me through all these troubles in life but You Lord? Who can take a person like me and transform my piece by piece? Who but You can shine Your Light through me, so that a fallen humanity, so that fellow friends may be exhorted, corrected, rebuked, and fellowship-ed with? Who above all is faithful? Who but You Lord? Who but You?

For when I am weary, You are there! For when I am laughing, You are there. Whether or not I acknowledge Your presence at any time, in any place, You are there Lord. When I lift my eyes, heart, or hands in worship Your are there. When I deny Your name or deny the conviction of Your Spirit, You are There. When I have all the answers, You are there to give me questions. When I have all the questions, You are my answer. You keep me sane in a world that is drastically different from me or that I am called to be drastically different from.

Am I different Lord? Do people see Your Light in me, through me, or do they just see another good person? For none is good but God, for I am not good unless I am letting Your Light shine through, unless I am letting Your Holy Spirit take control. What work do you have for me Lord? What do you want from me Lord?

For find myself wanting to serve but have no idea where. For I want to stand up, I want to be different but have not the clue of where to go next. It seems as if the doors are closing.

What should I do next? Where should I do form here, from this point in my life? What relationship for me is next? Who are you preparing for me? Who are You preparing me for? Who will be my friend through this life in sickness or health, in life until we die, so help me God? Who is going to be with me after these few years Lord? Who is going to be there through my griefs and fears, through tears and joy, happiness and hope? Who is going to help me glorify You with our life’s no matter what may come? Who I ask Lord? Who?

The answer comes of course that I do not know, right now, I honestly don’t know, but I do know that You are faithful, that You will provide. There are so many things in life that go on. Things to deal with in the past, things to do in the present, and to be ready to follow the road into the future that I see Your Light, that I see You paving as I faithfully begin to walk on the new, the shaky seeming ground. For I know in my heart that You will reveal the answers to me as You see fit.

-By: Daniel Brockhan