Shadows and Inner Demons

It is in those times
The times at night
Where it is quiet and dark
Where the business of the day
And the communities of others hide
Where they fade to the background...

It is in those times
When those old familiar voices return
They are judgmental and fierce.
They are direct and mean.
They are harsh and cruel.

They tell me...
You are not good enough
You will never amount to anything
You will be single forever...
Who would want you?

You are not extroverted.
You are not handsome.
You are not cute.
You are not attractive.

You are not strong.
You are not bold.
You would cower in the face of danger.
You will never find love.
You do not deserve love.

You will flop in job interviews.
You will second guess yourself and get nervous.
Your hands will sweat.
Your mind will go blank.

You will be left to wander
Never to settle...
With a job, a wife, or a family...
Always roaming
Always uncertain
Never finding home.

No spouse will ever know you.
No job will ever give you a chance.

You are too nice.
You are too kind.
You are too gentle.
You are too sensitive.

You are full of a potential
A potential that may never be realized.

You complain too much
You are too negative
You are too idealistic

This is the way the world works.
Welcome to real life.

Always seeking something else
Never happy with what you have...
Never happy being alone...
Being alone night after night.

Never having anyone to go on vacation with...
Only to use vacation to go see others.

Never able to use money the way I want...
Always burdened with a mound of student debt...

All these thoughts come tumbling...
Come falling
Come raining on me.

I pray to God to wipe them away
To remind me of who he made me to be...
Who he created me to be...
With all my gifts and talents.

God made me loving
God made me to listen...
And to understand others.

God made me with a kind heart
A wise soul
A person ready to commit...
Commit to wherever my heart is leading me.

Sometimes the thoughts keep me up late
Other times these thoughts calm
Fade into the back
Into the blackness of the night
Then I am able to relax
To rest
To sleep.

~ Daniel Brockhan

What are some of your doubts?
What are some of your inner demons?
What thoughts come to you in the dark of the night?