Green Light

Green Light

He remained so close
Yet so far away

The light he saw
The one he saw every night across the way

The distance between here and there
The light of love
The awareness of change
The need perhaps for risk
All these span the distance
The distance it would take to get there

The Green Light
The one that would see into his soul
The Green Light
Mysterious and unique
Yet constant and piercing at the same time

Some days it gave him hope of something new
Something to look forward to

Other days it taunted and haunted him
As he relived his past in his mind
And could barely see a future different from those memories

He had high hopes but was realistic
He had passion but desired friendship
He wanted to be connected to another
Yet retain his unique self at the same time

Still that light across the way shinned every night
As its greenish hue shimmered in the lake between
Hope and Courage
Fear and Doubt
They all collide in this place

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.hiddenmeanings.com/GreenLight.JPG

Psalm 136 Revisited

Psalm 136 Revisited

When the world seems too much,
His love endures forever.
When stress builds and anxiety is on the rise,
His love endures forever.
When my job weighs me down,
His love endures forever.
When bills are piled high,
His love endures forever.

When I strive and fall.
His love endures forever.
When I push forward and succeed,
His love endures forever.

When I regret my past,
His love endures forever.
When I learn from my past and more forward,
His love endures forever.

When I open up and am rejected,
His love endures forever.
When I find new connections and friendships,
His love endures forever.

When tears of sorrow and sadness cover my face,
His love endures forever.
When moments of laughter lighten my heart,
His love endures forever.

When I feel down and depressed,
His love endures forever.
When I feel hope and joy,
His love endures forever.

When the future overwhelms my spirit,
His love endures forever.
When I am granted strength in weakness,
His love endures forever.

When I fall into the lie of materialism,
His love endures forever.
When I serve and sacrifice beyond my comfort zone,
His love endures forever.

When I am confused on where to go,
His love endures forever.
When I feel His guidance in my life,
His love endures forever.

When the end comes,
When tears and sorrow cease,
When faith, hope, & love collide,
When light fills the last dark places of sin,
When evil has finally been wiped from creation and soul,

Your Love Endures Forever.

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://lashawnbarber.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/risen_christ.jpg

Dance

Dance

Dance Dance Dance
Lift Up your Hands and Shout for Joy
The King Eternal Reigns
The King Eternal Has Granted You Amnesty

Dance Dance Dance
There Is Hope
Hope is Not Lost
There is Purpose and Meaning
... All is NOT Lost

Dance Dance Dance
Move Your Feet
Sway from Side to Side
Hear the Music Flow
Feel the Rhythm of Life

Dance Dance Dance
Celebrate His Coming
Past Present Future
The Son of God
Jesus in Flesh
Who Died and Rose Victorious

Dance Dance Dance
Feel Utter Joy
Feel the Renewal
Fall on Your Face and Weep
Not Tears of Sorrow
Not Tears of Defeat

No my Friend
Weep Tears of Victory
Weep Tears You haven't Wept in a Long Time

Weep for Those Saved
Weep for those Set Free
Weep out of Gods Great Love

Weep because You have been Set Free
Weep because Sin no longer Reigns
weep because Evil will be Defeated
Weep because the World will be Renewed

Weep Weep Weep
Dance Dance Dance
Fall Fall Fall

Be Broken
Be Joyful
Rise Up
and Move Forward Dancing
With the Joy of God in your Heart
And Tears flowing from the realization of Gods Abundant Love

Weep Dance Fall
Fall Dance Weep
Know Joy
Know Love
Feel Joy
Feel Love

Know Christ
And Dance Dance Dance...

~ Daniel

Prison of My Mind

Prison of My Mind

I see you
See you there again
A rush of emotions begins
My heartbeat increases
Increases as I remember...

It all comes flooding back
I am overhwelmed by the past
Overcome by all my past emotions.

Reason has no place here it seems
For I am taken back
I am chained down
You have this draw over me

I sit
Trying to be reasonable
Trying to make sense of it all...

Why did things turn out the way they did?
Why do people play games?
Where is honesty?
Where is... ME?

Where am I in all of this?
Where do I fit in?
Where do I go from here?
How do I break out of this emotional,
This mental prison I find myself?

It is You,
The Other who put me here,
Who drove me behind bars of unanswered questions,
Who locked the door of rejection,
Leaving me stranded.
Leaving me wondering back and forth,
Pacing in my own mind.

You led me by the hand into the room,
Then ran away saying nothing,
Leaving only silence behind...

I tried to reach you,
But I could only reach so far...

You went away, you left,
You locked the door,
The door I must now try to open myself...

I pound and pound,
I cry and weep,
I throw myself,
But the door seems to keep.

But I won't give up hope,
For there are OTHERS,
OTHERS to help,
OTHERS to hear,
OTHERS who will help me,
Help me when I am in need...

I see the blissful day,
When the bars fall,
When the door slams down,
When I find myself free,
And finally, finally Can BE.

~ Daniel

Regret

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the time; he was astounded by how much time had gone by. It was now very late and while the conversation was wonderful, both the time and the hurried sound of rainfall was upon him. He wanted to stay... good grief he wished he could just stay there all night and into the morning, continuing this conversation, being there with her, but he knew he needed to go, needed to leave, if not now then he would be there all night, whether by the speeding of time and conversation or the flooding from the rain pounding outside.

He looked at her and said he needed to go; yes he used the word needed, not because he wanted to use it but because he felt he had to use it. Sure, it was early in that getting-to-know-you phase, sure he wanted to seem respectful, sure he didn’t want anyone (including her) to get the wrong opinion, but in his heart he wanted not to go; however, his feelings of duty forced him to answer "yeah, I need to go" when she said it was pouring outside and he could stay a while until the storm passed if he wanted. Why did she have to offer? Why did he feel he had to refuse?

He didn’t know it then but he would regret that decision for a long time, not because the rain was far worse than he wanted, not because his car got messed up; but because in his heart he truly wanted to stay, maybe should have stayed... spent the night in deep conversation, maybe held her hand, maybe just went to sleep on her couch as the rain, as the storm continued to pound its way.

But he didn’t... No, he was too proper, to predictable maybe to do such a thing, respectable in a good way; however, a way that may have messed things up for him. He always wonders, has wondered, and will wonder if things would have been different after that? Would she have seen him in a different light? Would he had taken better steps, better advances at getting to know her, letting her know him, even if only a little more, only a couple of hours. Would life be different, the same? He looks back on this event and on others like it and wonders what would be different?

He ponders the past but knows he can only try to be more ready in the future, more ready to take risks, less ready to let opportunities slide, and more ready to be bold when those situations come along. The past is behind and nothing can be done about the past... but the future waits. He can hear the rain pounding. He can hear his heart throbbing. He can hear his slurred breathing because he is nervous... and tries to convince himself... wants to convince himself that next time will be different, that who he was then is not who is now... that he has hopefully learned not to let those times pass by without taking hold of them, cherishing the moment, grasping for dear life, before finally letting them go and fall away, fall behind, and becoming the past once again.

~ Daniel

Remember When…

Remember when things were better between us,
When things seemed less complicated,
Less dramatic,
When we just connected
And things seemed good and right.

Remember when we danced in our hearts,
When we laughed,
When we were happy to just be near one another,
When our personalities connected and there was that vibe.

Remember when we had to be around one another
When time stood still
And other times it just went too fast.

Remember when things felt right
When we understood one another
Had faith and trust in one another.

Remember when we both would give and take
When we had reciprocity
And greed and pride seemed distant and absent.

Remember when things changed
How we both let it happen
We were overtaken by our fear,
By our insecurity
By our pride,
By our lack of humility

Remember when we were friends
Remember when we were even acquaintances

Do you even remember?
Have you already forgotten?
Am I a distant memory?
Am I a memory at all?

Remember When?

~ Daniel

Who Are You?

"Who are you?"
I was asked the question…
"Who are you?"
I searched for an answer…
"Who are you?"
I began my answer…

My name is Daniel,
I grew up in Houston
Then Moved to Marshall
Now I live in Abilene

"Who are you?"
What do you mean?
I just told you…

"Who are you?"
I like to watch movies
Like to watch TV
Like to read…

"Who are you?"
… I like to play guitar and write
I like to hang out with my friends...

"Who are you?"
Well, I am a youth minister…
I am a stocker at a retail store.

"Who are you?"
I am single,
I feel alone,
I am no one.

"Who are you?"
I am worried when I sit in silence…
I am worried I will never connect with anyone.

"Who are you?"
I feel like a person with no home
I feel sad my friendships seem temporary

"Who are you?"
I am a Christian

"What does that mean?"
I am servant to the King

"Then what is your purpose?"
To serve the King

"Then bow down,
Dust off your feet,
Move forward and go…

There is no time to wait,
There is no time to cower,
There is no time to ponder the darkness,
Ponder the darkness when light surrounds you,
Light embraces and penetrates your very being,
Light that is to be shared,
Not to be wasted…

Dust off your feet weary traveler,
Take a drink from the fountain,
Feel the cool breeze of my spirit,
Take a deep breathe and push forward,
Take heart my child,
My dear friend
For I AM with you"

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.adcet.edu.au/Admin/UploadedFiles/Images/Photos/person%20question_1.jpg

Who Do You Say I Am?

Do you see me, do you truly see me?
Or do your eyes deceive you, do they cause you to be blind?

AM I special, AM I a priority?
Do you live your life with me on the sidelines
Do you live your life with me by your side?

Do I consume your every thought
Do I consume any of your thoughts at all?

Where AM I in your life?
Is there room for me in your life
Is there room for me in your heart
Or AM I shoved aside?

Do you yell at me to leave you alone
Do you see me as a ghost haunting you
Do you see me as an angel concerning you
Do you see me as the Spirit speaking ever-gently?

Do you hear my voice?
Are things so loud, too noisy, too busy?
Do you hear silence, nothingness, darkness?

How do you miss my voice
Do you even try to train your ear?

Even sheep recognize the voice of the shepherd…
And yet my voice seems to go unheard so often.

Why is there silence between us
Why is there this rift
Why do you refuse my reaching hand?

Why do you run from my love and grace,
Run instead of learning to stay with me,
Stay with me and learn to trust,
Learn to have joy despite your circumstance?

Why do you not find home with me
Why do you not find peace in me
Why do you think I AM not enough
Why do you seek elsewhere for justification?

Why seek the approval from others,
When I have already approved,
Approved and told you to move forward,
To move forward and Go?

Why do you question me
Why do you look away
Why feel conviction and run,
Why feel conviction and hide,
Why feel conviction and ignore?

I AM Jesus THE Christ!
But who do you say I AM?

Who AM I in your life,
What do your actions and words say?

Who do you say I AM?
-Mark 8:29

~ Daniel

Not Yet

Not Yet - 04/23/2009

I see your grace
I see your beauty
As you move to and fro

When you come around my pulse speeds up
My heart pumps twice as fast
As I try to maintain my composure
When you come around

Your voice is gentle as you speak
I hear whispers of angels
Voice of angels mixed with pure ocean water
Water rushing transparently through my soul

I am walking
Thinking about something
And I hear your voice calling my name
Where is your voice coming from
Searching frantically to find the corner
The corner where you voice meets my ear

Then I spot you,
Spot you and a rush comes over me
A feeling of joy springs forth
As my eyes meet your smile
And my smile meets your eyes

I am summoned forth by your gesture for me to come
Intense inner heat builds as I try to maintain face
This is where the knowing begins
Here in the midst of conversation

A smile
A laugh
The breeze slowly comes and goes

A look
A thought
Is this the beginning of something?
Who knows?

She walks with purity and honor
Respect and grace
She is modest and patient
Yet reciprocates my affection

I am at ease here
There is no pressure
No pressure to be who I am not
No pressure to pretend

I am comfortable here
Yet challenged
I am loved for who I am
Yet encouraged to seek change

I see her as beauty
And am seen as special and unique

I see her as wonder
And am seen as a long interesting read

We make one another curious
What makes the other tick?

We see one another
But the surface is only three feet deep
We begin to know one another
And the depths seem to have no end…

We hold hands in worship
As we lift our hands in praise
As we cry together in prayer

All of this we are
All of this we do

Not yet but hoping
Not yet but praying
Not yet but trusting
Not yet but waiting

Waiting to meet one another
Waiting to see one another
Waiting to know one another

Waiting to know love
Forgetting the past
Living in the present
And committing every day to the future

Not yet but who knows what may come
Not yet but putting doubts aside
Not yet but daily putting preconceived perceptions aside

Not yet
Not yet
But maybe soon...

"Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and take heart
And wait for the LORD." - Psalm 27:14

Your words rush in through my eyes
Striking to my soul
Trusting your provision in all things
Both in patience and perseverance

~ Daniel

Still Nothing

I Pray, I Try, Still Nothing
I Try to Trust, To Have Faith, Still Nothing

Why will You not allow me peace
Why are You leaving me in this Darkness
This Abyss with no hope

I do not understand

I do not want to doubt
But it boils up from inside of me
It burns and drowns my light spirit
And my happiness

What do you want from me?

Haven’t I Cried to you?
Cried on my knees,
Wept as a Child.

Still Nothing...

Tired and Disjointed

Tired and Disjointed

I am tired of feeling confused
Tired of not letting go
I am tired of moving
Tired of my mind
My spirit going back and forth
Grasping on to things
Doubting myself
Cycling down into that dark hole
I am tired of feeling weak
Though I try to find strength in Christ

I am tired of those friends
The ones who seemed so close
The ones you feel you needed
But for some reason
They decided to let you go

I wish people would mean what they say
And say what they mean
And not be so fickle in life

I am tired of those who say faith is easy
Who act like it is not tough and hard
Who believe serving God
Is about showers of money
And if you have faith
You and your relatives
And friends will see no harm in life

I am tired of being labeled inferior
Because I am young and inexperienced
But even more tired of being labeled something else
Because being labeled single in the church
Means I am unmarried and sadly have no one else

I am tired of feeling like…
I am unaccepted
When I am just being me
Tired of feeling like…
I must conform to some image
The ones others perceive of
Man, Mate, Christian, Minister...
I promise God is still working on me

I am tired of being tired
Tired of being confused
By life, by friends, by family
Even by the potential prospect of love
All seemingly raining down at once on cue

And I sometimes get tired of writing
And of speaking about all of this
If it produces no tangible results

I wish home was one place
A place all my friends would be
My family close nearby
And no one would ever have to leave

I am tired of being confused by life
I wish it would make some sense
But I suppose that is where faith collides
And I suppose that is where we grow
Traveling this journey onward
Until we find and make it to
That place called home...

May the Spirit of God wash over me
May he comfort and make me new
May be grant me a sense of serenity
May new growth come from the storm
New life spring up from the dew

May I never forget this time
of confusion and of growth
May I keep my mind of Christ
And be focused and hold Him close

May I cry to him
In the depths of the night
when I doubt and when it is dark
And then Will I ever praise Him
As the Sun shines bright
When I find that time of comfort and hope.

~ Daniel

Past-Forward

To my Past Ties,
Perhaps Helping Me Toward my Future Potentials...

I sit here and look at your picture, saddened by my loss… but you have not died, you are still near but so very far away. For a brief while I knew you, I saw into the depths of your soul for only a brief moment and then it was gone, wiped out, I was turned away...

You said there was nothing romantic about me, nothing that draws your attention to me, yet we were drawn close enough to be good friends, maybe too close, too close too soon. Should I have played your game? Should I have hidden my feelings, buried them deep inside, pretended only to be friends, that I never desired any more. Where would we be now if I had; still friends, still close, would I have had a better chance if I hadn’t begin to let my passion for more get the best of me?

I was never suave, never charismatic, but never more or less than myself. I tried to give what I could in the beginning, but not knowing how you felt stabbed me like a cold knife, keeping me from expressing my affection in ways I would have rather done, instead of leaving your hand cold, maybe leaving your heart not beating as fast as I could have made it go.

Friends Friends Friends, every female always wants to be friends, or so they claim... but time always tells the truth, time does not lie, the actions of a person always tells their true intention or at least tells their fears.

I never wished not to be friends. I never wished for things to be awkward or complicated. I never wanted things to be the way they are - I just wanted to know if there was a possibility, if there was some interest, some mutual affection, and some possible reciprocity of my feelings.

Now all I feel is an inner coldness. I tried being friends; I tried putting myself out there but found myself hearing the echoes of my own voice, with no return of words. I wrote messages but they come back void and empty. Sometimes I text-ed but received the answer of busy to all my wanderings. Why did I feel I must try so hard? Would I try harder if you were just another friend? Is not that what we were supposed to be? Is the stress worth it? Did my emotions and my feelings matter? Or as the guy am I supposed to not care, just letting my friendship drop because life made things difficult.

I cannot do it anymore. I have tried. Sometimes I still want to try. I do not regret the short time we spent together hanging out, laughing at life, at stupid movies, and those conversations we had with one another into the night and over the phone. But it is all gone now, it is all in the past, now only a memory... and the days that go by and we talk less and less, if at all, I find those memories fading fast, just like my feelings have been doing for a long time.

Sometimes the only way to get over the past is to let it go maybe, to ignore it ever happened, maybe to pass it off as a fling, a mistake, something that did not really ever matter at all. Maybe if I lie to myself and pretend it did not hurt, pretend I did not feel severed from some emotional tie I had to you, maybe pretend we were never even friends. Maybe that is what it comes down to, for the sake of my own healing. Should it be? Pretend I never knew you that way?

Oh, letting go, not just of those passionate feelings I had but being forced to let go of you as a friend. It feels like something I must do, something I have to do, if not for your sanity every time I called or messaged you, for my own sanity as well. Why do things have to turn out this way? Why can't people just find joy in another person? Why can't we ever seem to get past the pain or rejection or awkwardness? You may have said you were busy before, but I was busy trying to be your friend, trying to hold on to something, something that maybe no longer existed, something that was only a happy social facade so we would not have to feel bad, so we wouldn’t have to explain it to anyone or even ourselves.

Maybe we tried but it was inevitable, maybe it was fate. While I still hold you in my heart, pressing your number, sending that message is just too painful now... I feel somehow even when answered it is unwanted or unexpected, there does not seem any joy left. But through all the pain and confusion, I will never forget our short time together. I will never forget who you are and I will be ever vigilant to keep you in my prayers, even if we never pass each other again, never finding a way to really become friends.

~ Daniel

http://i1.iofferphoto.com/img/item/388/438/31/7901_1.JPG

Hello Beautiful

Hello Beautiful,

I have never met you... and if I have, I have no idea as of yet. You are on the fringes of my thoughts throughout my day at times, but definitely on the fringes of my life. I pray for you from time to time, someone I do not even know yet, someone I wonder if I will ever meet. I see you sometimes in my strength and other times in my weakness. When I see couples happily together the thought of you crosses my mind. I should be pessimistic by now, and sometimes I am; however, I look forward to meeting you someday, someday in the future, near or far, when we finally cross paths someway-someday.

I continually lay down all my preconceived notions, knowing that preconceived notions hinder our growth and place limits on possibilities, on the way things could go. Some people do not believe in meeting that one person, they think it is a random occurrence, a demographic probability that somehow sways into the positive direction at some point in life. I do not see love being put into an equation but I do see love as something that has a living, breathing passion, formed by the actions of two becoming eventually one.

I sit and ponder what it would be like in the darkness of night or the early rays of the morning to have another person beside me, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. I wonder what it would be like to be connected to another individual for the rest of my life, married to someone. That someone is you... whoever you are. I continue to pray, confident that God will place you in my life and I in yours in some manner and some time. Maybe it is a romantic idea, one that seems based off movies or books. I have no qualms about the possibility of it being something grand and great but also real and down-to-earth.

If you knew how long I wanted someone to be myself with, to open up my tears and my dorky idiosyncrasies. Someone I can be playful and serious with, someone who I could challenge and who could challenge me back on multiple levels. To be accepted for who I am and accept another, with all their beauty and with all their flaws, to find perfection and commitment in that between the two of us.

So, I pray for you... I wait for you still, for while I have this hidden and chained passion only waiting to be let loose, I must always first keep my focus on Christ, on glorifying Him most in my life... and I only hope and pray you are doing the same.

Until Then,
~ Daniel