Where is happiness, where may it be found?
Why do i feel like a failure, why do i feel like i am worthless?
In You, and by Your side I am comforted,
but it seems like in this world i am nothing.
To many of my family and friends i am lazy,
to them it seems i do nothing,
In this world what is leading worship,
leading bible study,
what is the value of a soul
while they are trying to get jobs
and yet do not have one?
Your WORD says to wait on You and be patient,
but all this world tells me to do is go.
This world says one learns through mistakes
yet judges one who makes them.
Am i perfect? - Am i supposed to be?
I feel that You are happy with me Lord,
with what i do and how i try to serve You,
yet this world does not seem content with me.
Who is proud of me? Who encourages me but You O God?
Who is by my side to guide me and tell me that everything will be ok?
It is not this world, not my family, not my friends - only You my God.
Others either seem to look down on me or be in the same situation.
I am confused my God - I know that all that should matter is Your glory,
that in the end You are happy with me.
It is the constant pounding and berating of this world that bruises my very soul,
that depresses my spirit,
that makes me feel as if I am utterly worthless.
Even when i do things that give my heart
and your heart a smile -
it seems the world does not feel my joy.
Who of his world is by my side?
Who will pray for me as a brother in Christ?
Who will be there to encourage me?
I try to calm down,
I try to find peace -
but being constantly surrounded by those who think i am lazy,
those who think i do nothing,
to those who expect help from me but never ask,
and then call me uncaring and slothful.
Am i to read minds?
Where do i gain this power? Should I?
Is my life aim to please man
or to please You, Oh my God???
Did Christ die so i could get a car,
a job,
have money?
I think not.
Where does my worth and success come from?
Is it found in these things?
Is it found in a girlfriend, fiancee,a wife?
Do i have to have children to have worth?
Should not a person have some worth where they are?
Should not a person have worth no matter in what situation they are?
Do not these people deserve a helping hand over a pointed finger?
Do they not deserve encouragement to do better,
than criticism over what they have done wrong?
Why does life seem so negative?
Why does there exist a battle between the "have" and "Have-Nots"?
I am sickened by this evil pressing world,
that would have me follow its ways instead of Your own.
God, it is so hard to follow You,
to stay consistent and committed to You,
when this world hold me down,
when it causes this pessimism in me.
When my flesh is seen more than my spirit -
when i allow my flesh to have control instead of my spirit.
Where can i find refuge but in You my God?
Who understands and knows my heart but You my Lord.
Please guide me,
please give me strength, boldness, reason,
knowledge, and above all -
give me zeal, passion, wisdom and discernment.
Give me a prayerful heart,
help me to be committed to the reading and teaching of Your word.
Guide my mouth during bible study and worship leading.
When i lead worship guide my fingers and heart,
so that others may be able to worship Your Holy name.
Help me to aim for discipleship and evangelism.
Help me to remember what obedience,
servant-hood,
and sacrifice are.
Help me to continually learn and expound Your Word,
Your truth to others and to myself.
Help me do this and more,
For the glory of Your Name,
For Your coming Kingdom,
Amen.
- Daniel Brockhan
