I Am Here Lord

I am here Lord. My hands are open, ready to receive Your blessing.

Long have I sought, waited, struggled.

I am here Lord.

My hands are open, waiting.

Years have I prayed, have I wept, yelled, screamed, smiled, waiting.

How much longer Lord?

I am here Lord.

My hands are open, wounded, ready to be healed.

Long have I struggled. Long have I tried.

I have the emotional scars on my heart to prove it.

Long-suffering. Perseverance. Patience.

Virtues?

They often feel more like burdens and torture chambers to my soul.

I am here Lord.

My hands are open, open every morning, day, and night.

Over and over. Repeatedly, So Long.

Time moves on, past me, leaving me behind.

Are you ahead of me? Behind me? With me?

Still I am here Lord.

My hands are open, my arms out-stretched,

Though weary and tired, still I seek.

Temptations and trials, they do come my way.

My flesh yells at me constantly to detour, to turn away from Your path.

Satan and his demons whisper my name,

And speak to the desires I despise.

Though they pull at my arms, my hands, my heart...

Still Lord, my hands are open.

My arms lift high Your name. You are worthy of my praise.

My hands are open, ready to receive.

How long to have patience?

How long until You answer me to this question, this query?

Your name be praised though, not my own.

Your desires unfold, mine take a side-seat.

Still, my arms are open, ready to receive.

~ Daniel Brockhan

12/03/2014

Where This Journey Goes

Where this Journey goes,
Where it leads,
I do not know.

For all the plans I try to make,
People I meet,
So much uncertainty.

Who will come into my life?
Who will I meet that will stay?
Who will I meet that will go away?

Only time will tell.

Will I be who I am?
How much will I change?
How much will I stay the same?

Will I become more at peace?
More confused?
Or somewhere in-between?

What new challenges will I face?
Where will I be in the future?
A Spouse? Have Kids? A Family?

What books will I read?
What new stories will I tell?
Will my laugh still be the same?

Will I ever see a clear path?
Will I mature enough to let things be?
Can I leave such worries in Your out-stretched hands?

Will my faith grow to move mountains?
Will I mature in ways I cannot comprehend?
Will I overcome many of my fleshly ways?

Will I stand up for myself?
Will I stand up for others?
Will I learn to live... and not to be afraid?

Why not start right now?

Where this Journey goes,
Where it leads,
Still for now I do not know.

But not knowing means faith,
Not knowing means trust,
Not knowing means growth.

And in Your arms Lord,
I think I'll be ok.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Things Left Unsaid

You drew a picture, Onto my heart,
Right onto my heart for a moment.
I spoke your sweet name, I got to know you,
I saw your kind heart for a moment.

Things left unsaid, things left behind,

Thoughts and Feelings inside I had to hide.

The truth was strong, My Feelings Deep,

The journey so hard and long sometimes I had to weep.

You were a sweet song, A Loving Melody,
We were in tune for a moment.
A choir Sang, Angels were heard on high,
They spoke your name for a moment.

Things left unsaid, Things left behind,

Thoughts and Feelings inside I couldn't hide.

I told the truth, I took a risk,

All for maybe just one kiss.

You walked away from, From my heart,
I hope only for a moment.
The picture fades, The song then ceased,
Still I got to know you for a moment.

Things left Unsaid, Left you behind,

Had to go away and heal myself inside.

My feelings deep, Those thoughts of you,

Now becoming old what once was so new.

Things left unsaid, Now in the void,
Another time, another one, Empty affections to leave behind.
But hope remains, There's always new,
New pictures and songs to paint with someone new.

You drew a picture, Onto my heart,

Right onto my heart for a moment.

I spoke your sweet name, I got to know you,

I saw your kind heart for a moment.

~ Daniel Brockhan

My Soul Laid Bare? (Edited)

What if I told you the truth? What if I typed all of my truest feelings and deepest thoughts? What if I really let you in, behind the surface veil of my life? Would it make us connect deeper or would you run further away?

What if what I typed wasn’t all roses? What if what I posted wasn’t all about smiles and past-times, but about hardship and suffering? What if that suffering produced growth and was an integral part of my story? Would you still read? Would you still listen?

Would you read with me?
Would you walk with me?

Would you grief with me?
Would you rejoice with me?

Would you walk alongside me in this journey,
As I try my best to walk alongside you in yours?

Would you care about my thoughts regarding loneliness?

Would you listen to me express how I miss everyone and everything I ever knew?
Would you listen to me build up my life from a new foundation?

Would you read about how life can feel repetitive?
When you live alone, life can seem the same, week by week, day by day.

Silence can fill up your space.
You sometimes find yourself grasping at air.

Would you listen if I told you that despite all of these things,
This time has been my biggest growth and achievement personally and spiritually?

Would you like to hear how God has been changing my heart,
And mind since the day I moved,
That being alone has made me depend on God on a far deeper level?

Would you like to hear about the new riches of that relationship,
Discovery though hardship?

Would you care to read?
Would it pierce you?

If I bared my soul to you,
Would it matter?

Would it merely be another blog entry?
Would it merely be a form of entertainment for your eyes?
Would it merely be a form of isolation or bring connectedness?

Only time will tell…
When I bare my soul.

However, for now,
My musings are my own.

~ Daniel Brockhan