I Remember

I Remember

I remember when I first met you
We became friends at church
It was sixth grade
We set in the same pew
We seemed like best friends...

I remember when I met you my freshman year of college
You talked a lot
We chatted online
We became close friends
Feeling rushed up inside me
I stepped forward...

I remember two years later your beautiful curly hair
The nights we went to worship and sing and study Gods word
I remember how I saw that beauty in you
I remember how I tried to cross that line
I remember how I began to write that letter...

I remember the first time I saw you during grad school
We met at a friend’s house
I was captivated by your utter cuteness
I remember wanting to ask for your number...

... I remember how are friendship sank
You got boyfriends and popularity
You left God behind
You exchanged something beautiful for something cheap
You sold out who you were
And became something, became someone else.

... I remember sitting with the phone in my hand
You asked me how it was that I liked you
I put myself on the line
I told you more than friends
You told me you needed to wait, to pray
You left me hanging and I found out
You soon were going out with another guy,
Then another

I tried to still be friends
But you were always too busy
One day I stopped calling
It was too much to keep trying
It hurt too much
The cycle was destructive

... I remember writing that letter
I poured out my heart
Maybe poured out too much
There was no reply

You saw me months later
You told me you had got the letter
That you were shocked, surprised
And that you just wanted to be friends
I wasn’t hurt you did not like me the same
As much as when you never called
As when you never spoke to me again

... I remember going out on my first date
After a while hanging out and talking
I remember my sweaty palms
I remember my heart stopping as time stood still
And you told me yes the next day

I remember being so happy for my first date
I took you to eat Chinese though I hate Chinese
I remember handing you flowers I bought with the little money I had
I remember thinking how this felt good but also different

A few weeks later you called it quits
You sent me a message on Facebook
You would not talk with me alone
You screened my calls
You said you wanted to be friends
You said you really wanted to try
But after a few months our friendship was no more

It hurt me the days I tried to be friends
And it hurt me to feel the second rejection

It hurt me to delete you from my phone
But I no longer had to wonder if I should call

It hurt me when I de-friend you on Facebook
But I no longer had to worry about unanswered messages

It hurts me to remember
But I can’t delete you from my memory

Females wonder why men no longer act like men
Sometimes I wonder why females no longer act like ladies

The lies we tell, both big and small,
Will be remembered

The things we do, they way we act,
It stands in the memory of those we come into contact with,
It is remembered and not forgotten

I cannot delete my memories
Only try to find the strength to push forward

You wonder why it is
Why do they not ask me out?
Why do they not stand up?
Why do they not stand out?
Why can't they just have confidence?

It is because we were rejected
We were casted out
We put our heart out and it was crushed
We were declined for romance
And because of that decline
We were also declined as friends

We remember
I remember

And it still hurts sometimes...

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lOsoshgflBM/S4Zk6fvK-CI/AAAAAAAAASo/H1Ixe_6emEo/s1600/heart%2Bstabbed%2Bbroken%2Bbreak-thumb.jpg