Clash

As I look into myself,
I see what I do not want,
I see the darkness and pain,
My soul seems empty.

This emptiness is replaced by darkness,
The dark is pushed back,
By what I’m supposed to be.
My soul yearns,
And thirst for more of You,
And yet it cannot be until,
I accept the dark and reject it,
Only then can I be all You want,
And give all of me to You.

My words seem empty,
My thoughts clash in my head,
What to think,
What to look at,
How to look at things?
Situations in which wrong and right,
Seem blurred,
By thoughts the world has given to me,
By the morals now so low,
And so excepting to almost anything.

The clashes of good and evil inside me,
The thoughts of what could have been without You,
Or if I would be without You,
What things may have changed?
What things would I have done different?
Would the priorities be different or the same?
What keeps me the way I am?
Is it You or my own self?
Would I really be different without You?
And if I am not then what is wrong inside of me?
What inside of me will not let go?
What clasps onto the world?
Satan,
And my own greed?
Am I afraid of what I might become?
What others might think?
Or what others might do to me,

If they truly knew who I was?
What I am?

Am I living to be called after Your Son?
What things in life do I so cling to,
Not to realize You are more important?

What in my life means more than You?
Why does it mean more?

What is this pain?
This constant thought,
It nags me in prayer,
In church,
In the long hours of the night,
When it’s only You and me?

Do things consume me,
Or do You?
What are the important things,
And how do these compare to You?

I stay up late asking why,
Then never give it a second thought.
Things I do and why.
Only I know why.
But does it make sense?
Is it worth it?
What does it get me in life?
What does it help?
Who does it help?

Others seem so focused,
So close to You,
I want to be there,
But will I do what it takes?
Will I give myself to You?
Why don’t I?
Is it fear?
Is it confusion,
Embarrassment?

Where has joy gone?
Clash
Page 3
Is that what I’m missing?

My soul seems scared by things I’ve done,
Because I won’t let them go.

Will I give them to You,
Or keep them forever?
The answers are inside of me,
And inside of You.
I need to change,
So I can become in tune with Your Will.

I seem asleep in You,
Frozen in Time,
Help me wake from this state, 
With the burning passion to do,
Your Will,
Till I’m totally on fire for You,
Devoted to Your Will!

-By: Daniel Brockhan