Emptiness

Emptiness fills me,
surrounds me
Penetrates my being.

I am alone
What they call single
What they call not engaged
Not married
Not an adult

In that place between boy and man
In that place between innocent and accountable
In that place I wish not to be
In that place that is hard for me

Its that place,
Its this place where I am
I sit and wait
I ask God questions
Why?
How long?
Where Will I meet her?
What will it be like?

I try to focus on the present
I try to be fine in my singleness
I try to be content with where I am
Yet in my loneliness I cry out to God
Yet in my alone-ness I cry for companionship

How long will life be this way?
How long will i have to wait?
How long until I pass her one day?
How long until me finally meet?
How long until I find my helpmate?
How long until she find me, her help-mate?

What will those days be like?
What will it be like to hold her hand
To give her a hug
To give her that first kiss

What will it be like to serve together?
What will it be like to pray together?
What will it be like not to feel alone?

I don't remember the last time i didn't fee alone,
Outside the circle
Single

Are these thoughts wrong?
Are they in vain?
Are they sins of my mind that distract me from Your good purpose God?

How do I know?
How will I know?

If so, will it ever stop?
Will i ever not feel alone?
Will i ever find lifetime friendships?

Will people ever take me seriously as a man of God?
As a minister if i am single?
Will i ever be considered an adult,
Or only half of one - missing my other half?

I desire to serve You Lord
But i also desire to have a wife someday,
To have a partner in this life,
In this mission,
In Your mission.

To have a family,
to have a ministry,
that gives glorify to your name,
that makes you happy,
that leads others to know you better,
and we grow as well.

Is this desire wrong?
Is this desire right?

Is this love promised to all,
Is it promised to only some?

What am I to do?
Am i to wait or go?

As I grow older I wonder,
I ponder the reality of my life,
As others go by,
As others get married,
Yet I sit alone, and I feel alone

Comfort me during this time,
Help me to follow You.

A-men

By: Daniel Brockhan

Where is Happiness?

Where is happiness, where may it be found?
Why do i feel like a failure, why do i feel like i am worthless?

In You, and by Your side I am comforted,
but it seems like in this world i am nothing.

To many of my family and friends i am lazy,
to them it seems i do nothing,
In this world what is leading worship,
leading bible study,
what is the value of a soul
while they are trying to get jobs
and yet do not have one?

Your WORD says to wait on You and be patient,
but all this world tells me to do is go.
This world says one learns through mistakes
yet judges one who makes them.

Am i perfect? - Am i supposed to be?
I feel that You are happy with me Lord,
with what i do and how i try to serve You,
yet this world does not seem content with me.

Who is proud of me? Who encourages me but You O God?
Who is by my side to guide me and tell me that everything will be ok?
It is not this world, not my family, not my friends - only You my God.
Others either seem to look down on me or be in the same situation.
I am confused my God - I know that all that should matter is Your glory,
that in the end You are happy with me.

It is the constant pounding and berating of this world that bruises my very soul,
that depresses my spirit,
that makes me feel as if I am utterly worthless.

Even when i do things that give my heart
and your heart a smile -
it seems the world does not feel my joy.

Who of his world is by my side?
Who will pray for me as a brother in Christ?
Who will be there to encourage me?

I try to calm down,
I try to find peace -
but being constantly surrounded by those who think i am lazy,
those who think i do nothing,
to those who expect help from me but never ask,
and then call me uncaring and slothful.

Am i to read minds?
Where do i gain this power? Should I?
Is my life aim to please man
or to please You, Oh my God???

Did Christ die so i could get a car,
a job,
have money?
I think not.

Where does my worth and success come from?
Is it found in these things?
Is it found in a girlfriend, fiancee,a wife?
Do i have to have children to have worth?

Should not a person have some worth where they are?
Should not a person have worth no matter in what situation they are?
Do not these people deserve a helping hand over a pointed finger?
Do they not deserve encouragement to do better,
than criticism over what they have done wrong?

Why does life seem so negative?
Why does there exist a battle between the "have" and "Have-Nots"?
I am sickened by this evil pressing world,
that would have me follow its ways instead of Your own.

God, it is so hard to follow You,
to stay consistent and committed to You,
when this world hold me down,
when it causes this pessimism in me.
When my flesh is seen more than my spirit -
when i allow my flesh to have control instead of my spirit.

Where can i find refuge but in You my God?
Who understands and knows my heart but You my Lord.
Please guide me,
please give me strength, boldness, reason,
knowledge, and above all -
give me zeal, passion, wisdom and discernment.

Give me a prayerful heart,
help me to be committed to the reading and teaching of Your word.
Guide my mouth during bible study and worship leading.
When i lead worship guide my fingers and heart,
so that others may be able to worship Your Holy name.

Help me to aim for discipleship and evangelism.
Help me to remember what obedience,
servant-hood,
and sacrifice are.
Help me to continually learn and expound Your Word,
Your truth to others and to myself.

Help me do this and more,
For the glory of Your Name,
For Your coming Kingdom,
Amen.

- Daniel Brockhan

Sin No More

I shake,
Lord I fight,
I am addicted to this sin,
This sin which has a hold on me.

I'm angry,
I'm mad,
For I have become a hypocrite Lord.

Where do I turn to Lord?
Who will keep me accountable Lord?
I need someone who understands my struggle,
But at the same time,
I need someone to push me,
Someone who will talk to me every day.

I sit there,
In that place of sin.
It starts off with a single thought,
A single hint of sin and expands.
I sit there,
And cannot stop until later.

Then it hits me once again that,
This is not who I am,
That this is a fake fulfillment,
That in the end,
This sin will not satisfy.

I see thoughts,
Pictures,
Images in my head,
Some old and some new.
The new fuel the old,
Putting me back to where I was,
So many years ago.

Back then I was lonely too,
And God got me through,
But look at what I've done,
I've gone back almost all the way.

I've changed back,
Into that person,
The one I am not,
The one I wish not to be,
One who distorts,
As so many do,
The Creation you made.

Where is my faith Lord?
Where is my trust?

I feel so fake,
A hypocrite,
Yet I cannot reveal my sins.
There are some who understand,
But others who would probably hate me,
Think ill of me forever.

If they knew what I have been doing,
Thinking,
Seeing,
They would think,
That’s who I am,
But it is not,
It is who I was,
Who I struggle now,
Inside,
Not to be.

Lord,
I am so lost,
So confused,
I thought I had it all together,
But I guess I was wrong.

I'm tired of looking at this sin,
Telling you and others I will try harder,
Try harder not to do it.

Trying is a sinful word,
That I know,
For one to try to quit sinning,
Is to leave room open for debate,
It leaves a little space for error,
It leaves a foothold,
A foothold we should not be willing to take.

I disgust myself,
I must disgust You as well.
I cannot imagine the disappointment,
The sorrow You must feel,
The sad and sorrowful look on Your face.

That I would choose this sin over You,
That I would choose anything over You.

There you are,
Always,
With Your arms wide open,
And I pass you by,
I leave You behind,
For sin.

You gave me life.
You have given me talents,
Do I use them?

I feel I don't do much for You anymore,
I felt for a while like you had left me behind,
But it was really I who left You.

All my poems,
All my writings,
All the things I know I should do,
All the ways I want to please You.

Yet all the thinking,
All the good ideas,
Come to nothing without the action,
The fruits,
The ways I show I love You.

And now they are very few,
Very distant,
Very far,
Seemingly clouded by the sin I commit,
The one I commit in Your face,
In Your eyes.

The sin I commit,
To the one who protects me,
The One who gave me life,
And sustains me.

What are words?
They are nothing without,
Without an action to follow behind them.

And here,
At this moment,
I hear my Savior's voice,
A quiet still small voice,
Ever so vague say:

"Go, And Sin No More"

~ Daniel Brockhan

Rise Up

Rise up weary Christian, what you are doing is not of the Lord. The things you put into your life, the things you are doing are not of the Lord our God. Can you not hear His voice calling you? In the day, He shouts you name and in the night, He calls out to you as you sit in the darkness. Rise up, rise up o weary Christian from your bed of slumber and know that the Lord our God is a good God, that our God is a great and awesome God…

Rise up and know that you serve someone who is above all, that He is your Friend and Teacher, who is by your side, not to torture you but to help you, to give you a better life than the one that you have right now. Your making the wrong choices. you need to change you ways. Your ways need to come under Gods ways…

Rise up weary Christian and realize that your ways are messing up Your life, that the only way to make you life better is to follow God, to lay aside the things you do. The things you only think are fulfilling your life, turn them over, turn them over to God and let him have total control over them all. Why do you sit in depression? Why do you put on fake faces, fake fonts? Why do you profess one thing and do another? Why do you do one thing and say another? Why do you let your flesh, why do you let Satan have CONTROL over you when God has something so much better?

Know that the Lord is Great, that life alone flows from His glorious throne, that no other thing, no other person controls all but the Lord God. Know dear child that every good and perfect gift comes from God, who is the Father of Lights. Know dear one that the Father of Lights is never changing but is always the same, that others may leave your side but that the lord will never leave you, that the Lord loves you so much that He sent his one and only Son to die for you. Have you so soon forgotten what God did for you, what Jesus Christ did for you? Have you so soon forgotten that the Holy Spirit lives within you dear child? Have you forgot who you really are? Have you gone so very far from God?…

Come back dear one, come back sick child, come back to the Lord… For the Lord says his arms are open wide, for He says that He will comfort you from the days you were young until the days of your old age, that God will love you always and will wrap His arms around you if you only give him a chance. Now that Your God loves you and only wants you to love Him back. God has so many great things for you dear one that you do not know of, that you will not know of if you do not turn to Him. He alone has the goodness but you must change, you must turn aside you evil thoughts, you must turn aside your wants, those things in your life that you desire, those things that permeate your life. Those things you ask God for but do not feel God leading you to do.

Flee from the things you want or DESIRE. STOP ASKING God for things you want! Stop asking God’s blessing on things you should not be doing in the first place! Stop reasoning and trying to explain your sins away and fall on your knees dear one, fall on them, fall on your face before God and confess, let it go, let it go, let it go! Let go what you’ve kept for so very long. You keep it every time you pray, you say you let it go but you keep it. You know what it is causes you mess up over and over, it constantly is at your mind and as soon as you ‘lay’ it down at the feet of Jesus you are only cursed top pick it up again. Stop pretending, stop wanting these things not of God, flee from them, flee from them so that the Lord may reign in your life, that He alone may reign in your life! Stop playing games with God, stop playing games with others. It is time to lay it down, to be real to others around you, to be real with the Lord your God!

For every time you pretend to let so things go and pick it up again, you are only lying to the face of God. God does not like your lies; God does not like you empty sacrifices. He doesn’t like mine either. Stop doing it! Stop it so that the Glory of God may begin to have a place to flow in your life. Have you so soon forgotten the sacrifice? Have you so soon forgotten what God has promised you? Have you so soon forgotten that life is not all about yourself? Have you so soon forgotten that fulfillment in life, true fulfillment only comes through serving God, our true joy comes through seeing others come to God. No guy, no girl, no family, no friends, all person and things of this earth, both that we have and desire are not God’s will in retrospect. His will is to make His name known and all other things comes under that contract, come under following the Holy Spirit as He speaks. Have you, have I as well forgotten so easily that our life is not out own?

We want girlfriends, we want boyfriends, we want marriage, we want to be popular, we want to have a big or small family, but dear one, has God told you this, did you hear His voice speak or Your own? Do not worry or wish for things you do not have but know that God will provide and know that whatever God has provided is far better that what we could ever dream. Know dear ones that our needs and wants are not His! That our thoughts are not His, but as we pray and seek, we can change self to be under or in God’s Will. We need to know, we need to begin to realize in truth that our life is not our own, that we were bought, that our present as well as our whole future is to be designed by God and not by our self. So be careful dear one as you talk about your wants, desires, and needs. Be careful when you speak of how things should and shouldn't’t be. Be careful when you are planning your life and make sure Gods hand is in it. Be careful because with one slip in your walk it could become a long hull back home. Place everything under God and think before you speak. Make sure that every word of yourself and others is for edification; make sure that it contains God’s true plan or the process of you seeking His plan. Last of all, know that God loves you child. That God does not want to harm you but as you turn from Him that evil comes. For while God is full of goodness and purity, anywhere away from Him is void, empty, and dark. Know that a great Light has come into the World and is in the World through His Spirit, but also know dear one that darkness does exist and will try to delude that Light, will try to delude Your Light. Rise up o weary Christian, rise up.

-By: Daniel Brockhan