Emptiness

Emptiness fills me,
surrounds me
Penetrates my being.

I am alone
What they call single
What they call not engaged
Not married
Not an adult

In that place between boy and man
In that place between innocent and accountable
In that place I wish not to be
In that place that is hard for me

Its that place,
Its this place where I am
I sit and wait
I ask God questions
Why?
How long?
Where Will I meet her?
What will it be like?

I try to focus on the present
I try to be fine in my singleness
I try to be content with where I am
Yet in my loneliness I cry out to God
Yet in my alone-ness I cry for companionship

How long will life be this way?
How long will i have to wait?
How long until I pass her one day?
How long until me finally meet?
How long until I find my helpmate?
How long until she find me, her help-mate?

What will those days be like?
What will it be like to hold her hand
To give her a hug
To give her that first kiss

What will it be like to serve together?
What will it be like to pray together?
What will it be like not to feel alone?

I don't remember the last time i didn't fee alone,
Outside the circle
Single

Are these thoughts wrong?
Are they in vain?
Are they sins of my mind that distract me from Your good purpose God?

How do I know?
How will I know?

If so, will it ever stop?
Will i ever not feel alone?
Will i ever find lifetime friendships?

Will people ever take me seriously as a man of God?
As a minister if i am single?
Will i ever be considered an adult,
Or only half of one - missing my other half?

I desire to serve You Lord
But i also desire to have a wife someday,
To have a partner in this life,
In this mission,
In Your mission.

To have a family,
to have a ministry,
that gives glorify to your name,
that makes you happy,
that leads others to know you better,
and we grow as well.

Is this desire wrong?
Is this desire right?

Is this love promised to all,
Is it promised to only some?

What am I to do?
Am i to wait or go?

As I grow older I wonder,
I ponder the reality of my life,
As others go by,
As others get married,
Yet I sit alone, and I feel alone

Comfort me during this time,
Help me to follow You.

A-men

By: Daniel Brockhan