Shadows and Inner Demons

It is in those times
The times at night
Where it is quiet and dark
Where the business of the day
And the communities of others hide
Where they fade to the background...

It is in those times
When those old familiar voices return
They are judgmental and fierce.
They are direct and mean.
They are harsh and cruel.

They tell me...
You are not good enough
You will never amount to anything
You will be single forever...
Who would want you?

You are not extroverted.
You are not handsome.
You are not cute.
You are not attractive.

You are not strong.
You are not bold.
You would cower in the face of danger.
You will never find love.
You do not deserve love.

You will flop in job interviews.
You will second guess yourself and get nervous.
Your hands will sweat.
Your mind will go blank.

You will be left to wander
Never to settle...
With a job, a wife, or a family...
Always roaming
Always uncertain
Never finding home.

No spouse will ever know you.
No job will ever give you a chance.

You are too nice.
You are too kind.
You are too gentle.
You are too sensitive.

You are full of a potential
A potential that may never be realized.

You complain too much
You are too negative
You are too idealistic

This is the way the world works.
Welcome to real life.

Always seeking something else
Never happy with what you have...
Never happy being alone...
Being alone night after night.

Never having anyone to go on vacation with...
Only to use vacation to go see others.

Never able to use money the way I want...
Always burdened with a mound of student debt...

All these thoughts come tumbling...
Come falling
Come raining on me.

I pray to God to wipe them away
To remind me of who he made me to be...
Who he created me to be...
With all my gifts and talents.

God made me loving
God made me to listen...
And to understand others.

God made me with a kind heart
A wise soul
A person ready to commit...
Commit to wherever my heart is leading me.

Sometimes the thoughts keep me up late
Other times these thoughts calm
Fade into the back
Into the blackness of the night
Then I am able to relax
To rest
To sleep.

~ Daniel Brockhan

What are some of your doubts?
What are some of your inner demons?
What thoughts come to you in the dark of the night?

Angel's Descent

The Angel flew as fast as he could, following the sunset in the west, trying to get back before the sun set. He wasn’t going to make it. That was clear. The darkness crept up behind him faster than he could fly. He now realized he was going to have to hide somewhere close. But where? What place would he be safe from the things that come out in the night, in that blackest dark?

He found a cave in one of the mountains and descended down into the darkness. Here he would sleep through the night and hope he was left alone. He began to drift off to sleep and began to dream.

He saw an obscure figure standing outside the cave watching him, waiting. He saw yellow eyes that glowed with evil intent. He began to feel restless and worried. The black figure looked like a young man or boy, wearing some kind of cloak, making his form hard to figure out and perceive next to the already black forest behind him. The Angel could hear his breathing... in and out... Why did he just stand there? What devious plot was about to unfold? The man stood still. The figure said nothing.

Then the cave began to get very cold, so frigid that he began to shake and shiver. Slowly from the opening ice started to form on the ground, but at a rather rapid pace. It crept closer toward the angel as the dark figure stared. The ice was not merely on the ground but above and beside him. He would have been fascinated if he wasn’t so scared. It might have been beautiful if he was not frightened for his life. As the ice began to get to his feet and wings he backed up into the cave, farther into the dark abyss. He saw nothing, saw emptiness. Then behind him he heard a tragic noise, the sound of a pack of wolves howling from deep inside the cave. They must have picked up his scent. He had no where to go, nowhere to run. He was being attacked now from every side.

He slowly pulled out his sword with a long silver edge and a hard teal hilt. He was not going to go down without a fight, even if this was to be his end; it might be there's as well. The ice crept closer, the howling got louder, and the man with the yellow eyes began to move forward. He saw his breathe in the cold air. His tension rose. As the man came closer he drew up his sword and was going into a swing when the ice finally got to his feet and he slipped. All he saw was those eyes move, heard the howling continue, and felt the ice as he fell and hit hard the bottom of the cave floor. The pain was so intense.

The angel awoke with his heart beating fast. Had he lost his sanity? Didn’t he believe God would protect him even in the midst of the darkest and coldest night? Where was his mind? Where was his faith? He was cold now and looked outside and saw a cold blizzard had come through, which he guessed was why he had dreamed of the creeping ice. But what of the figure in the dark cloak with the yellow eyes? What of the howls of the animals wanting to eat and devour him? Oh, how he wished the sun would come up soon. He was very powerful during the day but at night, he could not fly, he had no strength, but he did have his sword and his skills. He made his way deeper into the cave, started a fire for some light and comfort, then pulled out his sword and held it in his strong hands. He grasped it tightly and with confidence, and then began once more to drift off, hopefully until morning.

~ Daniel (done from a creative writing prompt)
pic: http://www.tybro.com/assets/images/Archangel_Michael.jpg

Burying the Phoenix

Day by Day, Hour by Hour

We work and work

We play and play

We slave away

We dug a grave

We pushed it in

We ran away

We tried to live again

Then something happened

Along the way

Part of our self went missing

We were led astray

The world promised us happiness

Promised us riches and fame

We need only to sell our soul

Sell our soul and play the game

We thought by denying our self

We thought by acting the part

Life would become glorious

But we became an after-thought

We got plugged into the system

And we lost our thoughts

We got plugged into the stream of chaos

And we found ourselves ever-lost

But the Phoenix sits there

Deep within the ground

Waiting for us

To again come around

The Unlimited Potential

The Power of the Triune God

The Burst of Creative Potential

Begs for Us to Come

We have denied our true calling

Denied who we are inside

Was it because of fear of failure?

We can't remember it's been too long...

But one day something happened

The earth, the sky, the sea

Ripped that underground tomb apart

And the Phoenix then was free!

Many ran in fear

It burned with righteous indignation

While others stood in awe

As it washed them in its fiery feathers...

The tide then changed

The kings all fell down

The world began to change

Change into something new

The King and the Lamb

Ascended from the Sky

Met with their friend the Phoenix

As suffering and evil

Was finally wiped from every eye.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." - Acts 1:8

~ Daniel

Pic:http://www.phoenix-travel.net/images/phoenix.jpg

I Remember

I Remember

I remember when I first met you
We became friends at church
It was sixth grade
We set in the same pew
We seemed like best friends...

I remember when I met you my freshman year of college
You talked a lot
We chatted online
We became close friends
Feeling rushed up inside me
I stepped forward...

I remember two years later your beautiful curly hair
The nights we went to worship and sing and study Gods word
I remember how I saw that beauty in you
I remember how I tried to cross that line
I remember how I began to write that letter...

I remember the first time I saw you during grad school
We met at a friend’s house
I was captivated by your utter cuteness
I remember wanting to ask for your number...

... I remember how are friendship sank
You got boyfriends and popularity
You left God behind
You exchanged something beautiful for something cheap
You sold out who you were
And became something, became someone else.

... I remember sitting with the phone in my hand
You asked me how it was that I liked you
I put myself on the line
I told you more than friends
You told me you needed to wait, to pray
You left me hanging and I found out
You soon were going out with another guy,
Then another

I tried to still be friends
But you were always too busy
One day I stopped calling
It was too much to keep trying
It hurt too much
The cycle was destructive

... I remember writing that letter
I poured out my heart
Maybe poured out too much
There was no reply

You saw me months later
You told me you had got the letter
That you were shocked, surprised
And that you just wanted to be friends
I wasn’t hurt you did not like me the same
As much as when you never called
As when you never spoke to me again

... I remember going out on my first date
After a while hanging out and talking
I remember my sweaty palms
I remember my heart stopping as time stood still
And you told me yes the next day

I remember being so happy for my first date
I took you to eat Chinese though I hate Chinese
I remember handing you flowers I bought with the little money I had
I remember thinking how this felt good but also different

A few weeks later you called it quits
You sent me a message on Facebook
You would not talk with me alone
You screened my calls
You said you wanted to be friends
You said you really wanted to try
But after a few months our friendship was no more

It hurt me the days I tried to be friends
And it hurt me to feel the second rejection

It hurt me to delete you from my phone
But I no longer had to wonder if I should call

It hurt me when I de-friend you on Facebook
But I no longer had to worry about unanswered messages

It hurts me to remember
But I can’t delete you from my memory

Females wonder why men no longer act like men
Sometimes I wonder why females no longer act like ladies

The lies we tell, both big and small,
Will be remembered

The things we do, they way we act,
It stands in the memory of those we come into contact with,
It is remembered and not forgotten

I cannot delete my memories
Only try to find the strength to push forward

You wonder why it is
Why do they not ask me out?
Why do they not stand up?
Why do they not stand out?
Why can't they just have confidence?

It is because we were rejected
We were casted out
We put our heart out and it was crushed
We were declined for romance
And because of that decline
We were also declined as friends

We remember
I remember

And it still hurts sometimes...

~ Daniel

Pic:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSXrhOob3pBDfRKp3YGls0nU9DiMGx8iwimmU3k8kPr08bmsEopuXYeRJ7sogqEr4UUUnyYe5ehmgD829o0PXEb_WyuB-XfeOUufs4kvHKLK3RmB8_IyS-ENsqSIs36_g107g4noDUPqE/s1600/heart+stabbed+broken+break-thumb.jpg