Resurrect Me

(Easter Sunday Poem)

Resurrect Your Love,
Your Life in me.

From the depths of sin and shame,
From chaos and disorder,
Resurrect me.

As You rose to new life,
Death could not hold You,
So help me rise from the ashes,
The remnants of my life lived without You.

Resurrect me,
From all the things to which I run toward,
Those idols I put before You,
The life I wanted and desired,
The love I hungered or still hunger for,
Any amount of wealth or security I put before You,
All my possessions that take my eyes,
Take my thoughts from You.

Resurrect me,
When I seek to glorify myself,
Myself more than You.

Resurrect me,
From my selfish ways,
That led me far from You,
The lies that I thought were true,
The lies that kept me bound,
That kept me far from You,
My first love.

Jesus, my Lord,
Resurrect me today.

A-men

~ Daniel Brockhan

I Am Here Lord

I am here Lord. My hands are open, ready to receive Your blessing.

Long have I sought, waited, struggled.

I am here Lord.

My hands are open, waiting.

Years have I prayed, have I wept, yelled, screamed, smiled, waiting.

How much longer Lord?

I am here Lord.

My hands are open, wounded, ready to be healed.

Long have I struggled. Long have I tried.

I have the emotional scars on my heart to prove it.

Long-suffering. Perseverance. Patience.

Virtues?

They often feel more like burdens and torture chambers to my soul.

I am here Lord.

My hands are open, open every morning, day, and night.

Over and over. Repeatedly, So Long.

Time moves on, past me, leaving me behind.

Are you ahead of me? Behind me? With me?

Still I am here Lord.

My hands are open, my arms out-stretched,

Though weary and tired, still I seek.

Temptations and trials, they do come my way.

My flesh yells at me constantly to detour, to turn away from Your path.

Satan and his demons whisper my name,

And speak to the desires I despise.

Though they pull at my arms, my hands, my heart...

Still Lord, my hands are open.

My arms lift high Your name. You are worthy of my praise.

My hands are open, ready to receive.

How long to have patience?

How long until You answer me to this question, this query?

Your name be praised though, not my own.

Your desires unfold, mine take a side-seat.

Still, my arms are open, ready to receive.

~ Daniel Brockhan

12/03/2014

Where This Journey Goes

Where this Journey goes,
Where it leads,
I do not know.

For all the plans I try to make,
People I meet,
So much uncertainty.

Who will come into my life?
Who will I meet that will stay?
Who will I meet that will go away?

Only time will tell.

Will I be who I am?
How much will I change?
How much will I stay the same?

Will I become more at peace?
More confused?
Or somewhere in-between?

What new challenges will I face?
Where will I be in the future?
A Spouse? Have Kids? A Family?

What books will I read?
What new stories will I tell?
Will my laugh still be the same?

Will I ever see a clear path?
Will I mature enough to let things be?
Can I leave such worries in Your out-stretched hands?

Will my faith grow to move mountains?
Will I mature in ways I cannot comprehend?
Will I overcome many of my fleshly ways?

Will I stand up for myself?
Will I stand up for others?
Will I learn to live... and not to be afraid?

Why not start right now?

Where this Journey goes,
Where it leads,
Still for now I do not know.

But not knowing means faith,
Not knowing means trust,
Not knowing means growth.

And in Your arms Lord,
I think I'll be ok.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Things Left Unsaid

You drew a picture, Onto my heart,
Right onto my heart for a moment.
I spoke your sweet name, I got to know you,
I saw your kind heart for a moment.

Things left unsaid, things left behind,

Thoughts and Feelings inside I had to hide.

The truth was strong, My Feelings Deep,

The journey so hard and long sometimes I had to weep.

You were a sweet song, A Loving Melody,
We were in tune for a moment.
A choir Sang, Angels were heard on high,
They spoke your name for a moment.

Things left unsaid, Things left behind,

Thoughts and Feelings inside I couldn't hide.

I told the truth, I took a risk,

All for maybe just one kiss.

You walked away from, From my heart,
I hope only for a moment.
The picture fades, The song then ceased,
Still I got to know you for a moment.

Things left Unsaid, Left you behind,

Had to go away and heal myself inside.

My feelings deep, Those thoughts of you,

Now becoming old what once was so new.

Things left unsaid, Now in the void,
Another time, another one, Empty affections to leave behind.
But hope remains, There's always new,
New pictures and songs to paint with someone new.

You drew a picture, Onto my heart,

Right onto my heart for a moment.

I spoke your sweet name, I got to know you,

I saw your kind heart for a moment.

~ Daniel Brockhan

My Soul Laid Bare? (Edited)

What if I told you the truth? What if I typed all of my truest feelings and deepest thoughts? What if I really let you in, behind the surface veil of my life? Would it make us connect deeper or would you run further away?

What if what I typed wasn’t all roses? What if what I posted wasn’t all about smiles and past-times, but about hardship and suffering? What if that suffering produced growth and was an integral part of my story? Would you still read? Would you still listen?

Would you read with me?
Would you walk with me?

Would you grief with me?
Would you rejoice with me?

Would you walk alongside me in this journey,
As I try my best to walk alongside you in yours?

Would you care about my thoughts regarding loneliness?

Would you listen to me express how I miss everyone and everything I ever knew?
Would you listen to me build up my life from a new foundation?

Would you read about how life can feel repetitive?
When you live alone, life can seem the same, week by week, day by day.

Silence can fill up your space.
You sometimes find yourself grasping at air.

Would you listen if I told you that despite all of these things,
This time has been my biggest growth and achievement personally and spiritually?

Would you like to hear how God has been changing my heart,
And mind since the day I moved,
That being alone has made me depend on God on a far deeper level?

Would you like to hear about the new riches of that relationship,
Discovery though hardship?

Would you care to read?
Would it pierce you?

If I bared my soul to you,
Would it matter?

Would it merely be another blog entry?
Would it merely be a form of entertainment for your eyes?
Would it merely be a form of isolation or bring connectedness?

Only time will tell…
When I bare my soul.

However, for now,
My musings are my own.

~ Daniel Brockhan

What If I Told You?

To No One Particularly,

What if I told you how I felt?
What if I told you all the hidden things?

What if I told you?
Would you run away?

Would you accept my vulnerability?
Would you be honest with me?

Would things be awkward?
Would you flee?

Would you tell me we can still be friends?
Would you tell me this is the beginning or is this the end?

How would I know the truth,
If What I felt for you,
Is what you also felt for me too?

How would I know if I never took the risk,
Never took the chance,
Never let those feelings out,
But instead kept the inside,
Held them back?

Why would I change things between us?
Why would I risk our friendship?
Why would I make things complicated?

What if I told you I think you are worth the risk?
What if I laid myself bare and told you how I felt?

~ Daniel Brockhan

Shadows and Inner Demons

It is in those times
The times at night
Where it is quiet and dark
Where the business of the day
And the communities of others hide
Where they fade to the background...

It is in those times
When those old familiar voices return
They are judgmental and fierce.
They are direct and mean.
They are harsh and cruel.

They tell me...
You are not good enough
You will never amount to anything
You will be single forever...
Who would want you?

You are not extroverted.
You are not handsome.
You are not cute.
You are not attractive.

You are not strong.
You are not bold.
You would cower in the face of danger.
You will never find love.
You do not deserve love.

You will flop in job interviews.
You will second guess yourself and get nervous.
Your hands will sweat.
Your mind will go blank.

You will be left to wander
Never to settle...
With a job, a wife, or a family...
Always roaming
Always uncertain
Never finding home.

No spouse will ever know you.
No job will ever give you a chance.

You are too nice.
You are too kind.
You are too gentle.
You are too sensitive.

You are full of a potential
A potential that may never be realized.

You complain too much
You are too negative
You are too idealistic

This is the way the world works.
Welcome to real life.

Always seeking something else
Never happy with what you have...
Never happy being alone...
Being alone night after night.

Never having anyone to go on vacation with...
Only to use vacation to go see others.

Never able to use money the way I want...
Always burdened with a mound of student debt...

All these thoughts come tumbling...
Come falling
Come raining on me.

I pray to God to wipe them away
To remind me of who he made me to be...
Who he created me to be...
With all my gifts and talents.

God made me loving
God made me to listen...
And to understand others.

God made me with a kind heart
A wise soul
A person ready to commit...
Commit to wherever my heart is leading me.

Sometimes the thoughts keep me up late
Other times these thoughts calm
Fade into the back
Into the blackness of the night
Then I am able to relax
To rest
To sleep.

~ Daniel Brockhan

What are some of your doubts?
What are some of your inner demons?
What thoughts come to you in the dark of the night?

Angel's Descent

The Angel flew as fast as he could, following the sunset in the west, trying to get back before the sun set. He wasn’t going to make it. That was clear. The darkness crept up behind him faster than he could fly. He now realized he was going to have to hide somewhere close. But where? What place would he be safe from the things that come out in the night, in that blackest dark?

He found a cave in one of the mountains and descended down into the darkness. Here he would sleep through the night and hope he was left alone. He began to drift off to sleep and began to dream.

He saw an obscure figure standing outside the cave watching him, waiting. He saw yellow eyes that glowed with evil intent. He began to feel restless and worried. The black figure looked like a young man or boy, wearing some kind of cloak, making his form hard to figure out and perceive next to the already black forest behind him. The Angel could hear his breathing... in and out... Why did he just stand there? What devious plot was about to unfold? The man stood still. The figure said nothing.

Then the cave began to get very cold, so frigid that he began to shake and shiver. Slowly from the opening ice started to form on the ground, but at a rather rapid pace. It crept closer toward the angel as the dark figure stared. The ice was not merely on the ground but above and beside him. He would have been fascinated if he wasn’t so scared. It might have been beautiful if he was not frightened for his life. As the ice began to get to his feet and wings he backed up into the cave, farther into the dark abyss. He saw nothing, saw emptiness. Then behind him he heard a tragic noise, the sound of a pack of wolves howling from deep inside the cave. They must have picked up his scent. He had no where to go, nowhere to run. He was being attacked now from every side.

He slowly pulled out his sword with a long silver edge and a hard teal hilt. He was not going to go down without a fight, even if this was to be his end; it might be there's as well. The ice crept closer, the howling got louder, and the man with the yellow eyes began to move forward. He saw his breathe in the cold air. His tension rose. As the man came closer he drew up his sword and was going into a swing when the ice finally got to his feet and he slipped. All he saw was those eyes move, heard the howling continue, and felt the ice as he fell and hit hard the bottom of the cave floor. The pain was so intense.

The angel awoke with his heart beating fast. Had he lost his sanity? Didn’t he believe God would protect him even in the midst of the darkest and coldest night? Where was his mind? Where was his faith? He was cold now and looked outside and saw a cold blizzard had come through, which he guessed was why he had dreamed of the creeping ice. But what of the figure in the dark cloak with the yellow eyes? What of the howls of the animals wanting to eat and devour him? Oh, how he wished the sun would come up soon. He was very powerful during the day but at night, he could not fly, he had no strength, but he did have his sword and his skills. He made his way deeper into the cave, started a fire for some light and comfort, then pulled out his sword and held it in his strong hands. He grasped it tightly and with confidence, and then began once more to drift off, hopefully until morning.

~ Daniel (done from a creative writing prompt)
pic: http://www.tybro.com/assets/images/Archangel_Michael.jpg

Burying the Phoenix

Day by Day, Hour by Hour

We work and work

We play and play

We slave away

We dug a grave

We pushed it in

We ran away

We tried to live again

Then something happened

Along the way

Part of our self went missing

We were led astray

The world promised us happiness

Promised us riches and fame

We need only to sell our soul

Sell our soul and play the game

We thought by denying our self

We thought by acting the part

Life would become glorious

But we became an after-thought

We got plugged into the system

And we lost our thoughts

We got plugged into the stream of chaos

And we found ourselves ever-lost

But the Phoenix sits there

Deep within the ground

Waiting for us

To again come around

The Unlimited Potential

The Power of the Triune God

The Burst of Creative Potential

Begs for Us to Come

We have denied our true calling

Denied who we are inside

Was it because of fear of failure?

We can't remember it's been too long...

But one day something happened

The earth, the sky, the sea

Ripped that underground tomb apart

And the Phoenix then was free!

Many ran in fear

It burned with righteous indignation

While others stood in awe

As it washed them in its fiery feathers...

The tide then changed

The kings all fell down

The world began to change

Change into something new

The King and the Lamb

Ascended from the Sky

Met with their friend the Phoenix

As suffering and evil

Was finally wiped from every eye.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." - Acts 1:8

~ Daniel

Pic:http://www.phoenix-travel.net/images/phoenix.jpg

I Remember

I Remember

I remember when I first met you
We became friends at church
It was sixth grade
We set in the same pew
We seemed like best friends...

I remember when I met you my freshman year of college
You talked a lot
We chatted online
We became close friends
Feeling rushed up inside me
I stepped forward...

I remember two years later your beautiful curly hair
The nights we went to worship and sing and study Gods word
I remember how I saw that beauty in you
I remember how I tried to cross that line
I remember how I began to write that letter...

I remember the first time I saw you during grad school
We met at a friend’s house
I was captivated by your utter cuteness
I remember wanting to ask for your number...

... I remember how are friendship sank
You got boyfriends and popularity
You left God behind
You exchanged something beautiful for something cheap
You sold out who you were
And became something, became someone else.

... I remember sitting with the phone in my hand
You asked me how it was that I liked you
I put myself on the line
I told you more than friends
You told me you needed to wait, to pray
You left me hanging and I found out
You soon were going out with another guy,
Then another

I tried to still be friends
But you were always too busy
One day I stopped calling
It was too much to keep trying
It hurt too much
The cycle was destructive

... I remember writing that letter
I poured out my heart
Maybe poured out too much
There was no reply

You saw me months later
You told me you had got the letter
That you were shocked, surprised
And that you just wanted to be friends
I wasn’t hurt you did not like me the same
As much as when you never called
As when you never spoke to me again

... I remember going out on my first date
After a while hanging out and talking
I remember my sweaty palms
I remember my heart stopping as time stood still
And you told me yes the next day

I remember being so happy for my first date
I took you to eat Chinese though I hate Chinese
I remember handing you flowers I bought with the little money I had
I remember thinking how this felt good but also different

A few weeks later you called it quits
You sent me a message on Facebook
You would not talk with me alone
You screened my calls
You said you wanted to be friends
You said you really wanted to try
But after a few months our friendship was no more

It hurt me the days I tried to be friends
And it hurt me to feel the second rejection

It hurt me to delete you from my phone
But I no longer had to wonder if I should call

It hurt me when I de-friend you on Facebook
But I no longer had to worry about unanswered messages

It hurts me to remember
But I can’t delete you from my memory

Females wonder why men no longer act like men
Sometimes I wonder why females no longer act like ladies

The lies we tell, both big and small,
Will be remembered

The things we do, they way we act,
It stands in the memory of those we come into contact with,
It is remembered and not forgotten

I cannot delete my memories
Only try to find the strength to push forward

You wonder why it is
Why do they not ask me out?
Why do they not stand up?
Why do they not stand out?
Why can't they just have confidence?

It is because we were rejected
We were casted out
We put our heart out and it was crushed
We were declined for romance
And because of that decline
We were also declined as friends

We remember
I remember

And it still hurts sometimes...

~ Daniel

Pic:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSXrhOob3pBDfRKp3YGls0nU9DiMGx8iwimmU3k8kPr08bmsEopuXYeRJ7sogqEr4UUUnyYe5ehmgD829o0PXEb_WyuB-XfeOUufs4kvHKLK3RmB8_IyS-ENsqSIs36_g107g4noDUPqE/s1600/heart+stabbed+broken+break-thumb.jpg

Sobbing Christian

His hands covered his sobbing-wet face. His cries echoed in his apartment and inside the very foundations of his soul. He threw his devotional book across the room, crying out to God. Why did things have to be so hard? Why did they have to be so difficult? He was always taught the answers were found in the scriptures but no one told him life, real life, would be so hard, so confusing. He desired simply to follow his dreams, to use his talents, to be the person he believed he was called to be... yet there was this void, this empty space now; the time between that calling and that reality. It was here where he must face the fact that nothing comes easy, including following the Creator.

As his sobs began to subside he looked and saw the book and pen on the floor, the light from the bathroom shining on both of them. The pages were shuffled and worn, they were scattered and folded. It was not neat. Silence filled the room, so much silence. Silence makes us always face our self. Silence makes us listen to God. Silence forces us into the places we would rather not be...

With the coldness from his tears still fresh on his face, he wiped away the wetness, picked up the pen and the book. The crying, the anger... it all changes nothing… but sometimes helps. It helps us move forward but also helps us in small bits to understand that we are not in control. God is in control. We are confused about a great many things but God is not confused. What we lack is the sight of God, yet if we had the answers... Well, where would be the searching? Where would be faith and trust? Where would be the journey if we went from the starting line directly to the finish? How would we ever help others if we never met with God to learn how to help them and grow ourselves?

He had hope, not in his present situation, but he had hope in the future situation, the one where God will wipe away his last tear, along with all others. He found hope in knowing that one day all his confusion would be wiped clean and clarity would ensue. He had hope that Christ had a good future for him, getting there was not going to be easy, but it was going to be worth it.. And in all things, bad times or good, Christ still be glorified.

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://cache2.asset-cache.net/xc/tlp707315.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=B5384F3B2A5A9842ABA04DA218E58E0623F6FAC9D53C620F2C578505D7FCD82BF06BF04B24B4128C

Beauty of God

Today I saw and experienced the Beauty of God. The lights were down low, then the guitar started, the voices began to break forth, and the drums began to beat... In this place, here amongst the people of God I see splendor.

Here I see the glory of God. I see his face and sometimes in my sin I feel ashamed, I feel unworthy, I feel I must drop my head down, my eyes facing toward the ground. Then the music extends, it breathes, it finds its place in me, and in this time I find my voice… I ponder the loving God who loves me despite my faults. Here I raise my head, I dance a little inside, I open my eyes to see the purple-pink colors hushed by the surrounding darkness.

Here I see the face of those voices, of that guitar, the keyboard player, and the drummer whose beats seem to beat evenly with my own heart. I look and see some singing out and some standing silent, some praying and some with hands lifted. In the company of his worshipers I see God, I am aware... I didn’t feel this for a long time; spiritually I didn’t feel anything for a long time. And here, in this body, in this church I feel my family; I feel and see.... the Beauty of God.



~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.fbcvalley.org/Portals/0/worship_screen%5B1%5D.jpg

Happy Valentines

Happy Valentines

Happy Valentines
Happy Valentines
The Day of all days
The Day love is supposed to shout
The Day couples adore
The Day that singles try to ignore

The day that brings smiles to those in love
The day that brings disdain to those left out

A day of great rejoicing
And also a day of great sorrow

Facebook status updates from couples,
Couples happily celebrating their time of love
And from singles trying to go about their day,
Who try to stay inside and out of the way.

Sadly, sometimes both sides miss the point…
This day is not about having to spend money on the one you love
Neither is it about being sorrowful and trying to ignore the existence of love

Love is not found in the pocketbooks of your significant other
Nor is it found by pretending it doesn’t exist

Love is not found out of how much money you can spend
Nor how well you can hide inside yourself

Love is found in the faces of family
Love is found in the faces of your friends
Love is found by those who bless you,
And by those you allow yourself to bless as well

Love is found in kind words
In deeds that express appreciation

Love is found in the day to day
Not just on the 14th of February

Love is found in loving gestures when unexpected
Love is found in encouraging others who are down
Love is found alongside faith and hope
Love does not disappoint
Love does not cause Unhappiness
Nor Weariness
But Longing
And Joy!

Love is found with good friends
Love is found in those who make us laugh
Love is found in a warm cup of chocolate or coffee on a cold day
Love is found in those who care and are concerned for you life and well-being
Love is found when a stranger gives to the needy person on the street

Love does not boast
Love does not forget
Love remembers
Love cherishes

Where there is no love
There is hate
Where there is no love
There is no joy
Where there is no love
There is no meaning
Where there is no love
There is simply no life…

So on this day
Remember love
Remember those you love
And those who love you

Remember you are loved
And loved by others

Remember,
Be loved
And Love,
My friends….

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.smashingapps.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/love-wallpaper.jpg
http://hayleybailey.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/love11.jpg

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. – Proverbs 3:3

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – 1st Corinthians 13:1-3, 13

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us…. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. – 1st John 3:16, 4:9-10

Green Light

Green Light

He remained so close
Yet so far away

The light he saw
The one he saw every night across the way

The distance between here and there
The light of love
The awareness of change
The need perhaps for risk
All these span the distance
The distance it would take to get there

The Green Light
The one that would see into his soul
The Green Light
Mysterious and unique
Yet constant and piercing at the same time

Some days it gave him hope of something new
Something to look forward to

Other days it taunted and haunted him
As he relived his past in his mind
And could barely see a future different from those memories

He had high hopes but was realistic
He had passion but desired friendship
He wanted to be connected to another
Yet retain his unique self at the same time

Still that light across the way shinned every night
As its greenish hue shimmered in the lake between
Hope and Courage
Fear and Doubt
They all collide in this place

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.hiddenmeanings.com/GreenLight.JPG

Psalm 136 Revisited

Psalm 136 Revisited

When the world seems too much,
His love endures forever.
When stress builds and anxiety is on the rise,
His love endures forever.
When my job weighs me down,
His love endures forever.
When bills are piled high,
His love endures forever.

When I strive and fall.
His love endures forever.
When I push forward and succeed,
His love endures forever.

When I regret my past,
His love endures forever.
When I learn from my past and more forward,
His love endures forever.

When I open up and am rejected,
His love endures forever.
When I find new connections and friendships,
His love endures forever.

When tears of sorrow and sadness cover my face,
His love endures forever.
When moments of laughter lighten my heart,
His love endures forever.

When I feel down and depressed,
His love endures forever.
When I feel hope and joy,
His love endures forever.

When the future overwhelms my spirit,
His love endures forever.
When I am granted strength in weakness,
His love endures forever.

When I fall into the lie of materialism,
His love endures forever.
When I serve and sacrifice beyond my comfort zone,
His love endures forever.

When I am confused on where to go,
His love endures forever.
When I feel His guidance in my life,
His love endures forever.

When the end comes,
When tears and sorrow cease,
When faith, hope, & love collide,
When light fills the last dark places of sin,
When evil has finally been wiped from creation and soul,

Your Love Endures Forever.

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://lashawnbarber.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/risen_christ.jpg

Dance

Dance

Dance Dance Dance
Lift Up your Hands and Shout for Joy
The King Eternal Reigns
The King Eternal Has Granted You Amnesty

Dance Dance Dance
There Is Hope
Hope is Not Lost
There is Purpose and Meaning
... All is NOT Lost

Dance Dance Dance
Move Your Feet
Sway from Side to Side
Hear the Music Flow
Feel the Rhythm of Life

Dance Dance Dance
Celebrate His Coming
Past Present Future
The Son of God
Jesus in Flesh
Who Died and Rose Victorious

Dance Dance Dance
Feel Utter Joy
Feel the Renewal
Fall on Your Face and Weep
Not Tears of Sorrow
Not Tears of Defeat

No my Friend
Weep Tears of Victory
Weep Tears You haven't Wept in a Long Time

Weep for Those Saved
Weep for those Set Free
Weep out of Gods Great Love

Weep because You have been Set Free
Weep because Sin no longer Reigns
weep because Evil will be Defeated
Weep because the World will be Renewed

Weep Weep Weep
Dance Dance Dance
Fall Fall Fall

Be Broken
Be Joyful
Rise Up
and Move Forward Dancing
With the Joy of God in your Heart
And Tears flowing from the realization of Gods Abundant Love

Weep Dance Fall
Fall Dance Weep
Know Joy
Know Love
Feel Joy
Feel Love

Know Christ
And Dance Dance Dance...

~ Daniel

Prison of My Mind

Prison of My Mind

I see you
See you there again
A rush of emotions begins
My heartbeat increases
Increases as I remember...

It all comes flooding back
I am overhwelmed by the past
Overcome by all my past emotions.

Reason has no place here it seems
For I am taken back
I am chained down
You have this draw over me

I sit
Trying to be reasonable
Trying to make sense of it all...

Why did things turn out the way they did?
Why do people play games?
Where is honesty?
Where is... ME?

Where am I in all of this?
Where do I fit in?
Where do I go from here?
How do I break out of this emotional,
This mental prison I find myself?

It is You,
The Other who put me here,
Who drove me behind bars of unanswered questions,
Who locked the door of rejection,
Leaving me stranded.
Leaving me wondering back and forth,
Pacing in my own mind.

You led me by the hand into the room,
Then ran away saying nothing,
Leaving only silence behind...

I tried to reach you,
But I could only reach so far...

You went away, you left,
You locked the door,
The door I must now try to open myself...

I pound and pound,
I cry and weep,
I throw myself,
But the door seems to keep.

But I won't give up hope,
For there are OTHERS,
OTHERS to help,
OTHERS to hear,
OTHERS who will help me,
Help me when I am in need...

I see the blissful day,
When the bars fall,
When the door slams down,
When I find myself free,
And finally, finally Can BE.

~ Daniel

Regret

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the time; he was astounded by how much time had gone by. It was now very late and while the conversation was wonderful, both the time and the hurried sound of rainfall was upon him. He wanted to stay... good grief he wished he could just stay there all night and into the morning, continuing this conversation, being there with her, but he knew he needed to go, needed to leave, if not now then he would be there all night, whether by the speeding of time and conversation or the flooding from the rain pounding outside.

He looked at her and said he needed to go; yes he used the word needed, not because he wanted to use it but because he felt he had to use it. Sure, it was early in that getting-to-know-you phase, sure he wanted to seem respectful, sure he didn’t want anyone (including her) to get the wrong opinion, but in his heart he wanted not to go; however, his feelings of duty forced him to answer "yeah, I need to go" when she said it was pouring outside and he could stay a while until the storm passed if he wanted. Why did she have to offer? Why did he feel he had to refuse?

He didn’t know it then but he would regret that decision for a long time, not because the rain was far worse than he wanted, not because his car got messed up; but because in his heart he truly wanted to stay, maybe should have stayed... spent the night in deep conversation, maybe held her hand, maybe just went to sleep on her couch as the rain, as the storm continued to pound its way.

But he didn’t... No, he was too proper, to predictable maybe to do such a thing, respectable in a good way; however, a way that may have messed things up for him. He always wonders, has wondered, and will wonder if things would have been different after that? Would she have seen him in a different light? Would he had taken better steps, better advances at getting to know her, letting her know him, even if only a little more, only a couple of hours. Would life be different, the same? He looks back on this event and on others like it and wonders what would be different?

He ponders the past but knows he can only try to be more ready in the future, more ready to take risks, less ready to let opportunities slide, and more ready to be bold when those situations come along. The past is behind and nothing can be done about the past... but the future waits. He can hear the rain pounding. He can hear his heart throbbing. He can hear his slurred breathing because he is nervous... and tries to convince himself... wants to convince himself that next time will be different, that who he was then is not who is now... that he has hopefully learned not to let those times pass by without taking hold of them, cherishing the moment, grasping for dear life, before finally letting them go and fall away, fall behind, and becoming the past once again.

~ Daniel

Remember When…

Remember when things were better between us,
When things seemed less complicated,
Less dramatic,
When we just connected
And things seemed good and right.

Remember when we danced in our hearts,
When we laughed,
When we were happy to just be near one another,
When our personalities connected and there was that vibe.

Remember when we had to be around one another
When time stood still
And other times it just went too fast.

Remember when things felt right
When we understood one another
Had faith and trust in one another.

Remember when we both would give and take
When we had reciprocity
And greed and pride seemed distant and absent.

Remember when things changed
How we both let it happen
We were overtaken by our fear,
By our insecurity
By our pride,
By our lack of humility

Remember when we were friends
Remember when we were even acquaintances

Do you even remember?
Have you already forgotten?
Am I a distant memory?
Am I a memory at all?

Remember When?

~ Daniel

Who Are You?

"Who are you?"
I was asked the question…
"Who are you?"
I searched for an answer…
"Who are you?"
I began my answer…

My name is Daniel,
I grew up in Houston
Then Moved to Marshall
Now I live in Abilene

"Who are you?"
What do you mean?
I just told you…

"Who are you?"
I like to watch movies
Like to watch TV
Like to read…

"Who are you?"
… I like to play guitar and write
I like to hang out with my friends...

"Who are you?"
Well, I am a youth minister…
I am a stocker at a retail store.

"Who are you?"
I am single,
I feel alone,
I am no one.

"Who are you?"
I am worried when I sit in silence…
I am worried I will never connect with anyone.

"Who are you?"
I feel like a person with no home
I feel sad my friendships seem temporary

"Who are you?"
I am a Christian

"What does that mean?"
I am servant to the King

"Then what is your purpose?"
To serve the King

"Then bow down,
Dust off your feet,
Move forward and go…

There is no time to wait,
There is no time to cower,
There is no time to ponder the darkness,
Ponder the darkness when light surrounds you,
Light embraces and penetrates your very being,
Light that is to be shared,
Not to be wasted…

Dust off your feet weary traveler,
Take a drink from the fountain,
Feel the cool breeze of my spirit,
Take a deep breathe and push forward,
Take heart my child,
My dear friend
For I AM with you"

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.adcet.edu.au/Admin/UploadedFiles/Images/Photos/person%20question_1.jpg